Friends

Are you keeping your private life private and under control?

When I was studying, the big thing about the Internet was Napster and downloading pretty much whatever music you wanted for free, albeit very illegally. It didn’t stop half the computer centre at any given moment from being awash with peer-to-peer file sharers.A few years later and now half the computer centre is in the middle of some form of social networking (Facebook, MySpace, et al.). While the music downloading was a legally questionable activity, the social networking is absolutely above board…but you should still question it. Check out my ‘4 Rs’…

THE 4 Rs

R you spending too much time updating your profile and sending messages?
R your privacy settings not switched to the max?
R you no longer in control of your own life?
R you aware of the trouble you can inadvertently get into if you’re not careful?

Getting Results…

TIME ONLINE

Planning your real life online can lead to the danger of spending too much time in the social networking world. In no time, your real life IS the online community.

When time begins to slip away and you’re getting very little done, it’s time to face up to facts and limit your time. Sometimes it’s quicker to go down the old-fashioned route of phone calls and (shock, horror!) face-to-face conversations.

Over time, I’ve learned that people take the plans a lot more seriously when dealt with over the phone and in person. There’s something about the casual internet invite that feels somewhat throwaway. The organiser might not feel that way, but the recipients might…

KEEPING IT PRIVATE (ISH)

If your profile is available for the world to see, anyone in the world could be reading up on your life and plans. I’m convinced many users don’t realise that anyone can see their information. Or maybe they’re real exhibitionists!

Check the privacy settings and get them right. It’s fifteen minutes of time well spent. And at least you’ll know exactly what’s going on with your data and who can see what.

CONTROLLING YOUR LIFE

When friends, family and, let’s face it, even casual acquaintances can see what you’re up to, when you’re around, who you spend most time with, what makes you tick, etc., are you really able to say you are the master of your own life decisions?

While you’re unlikely to be sharing your scariest and most intimate thoughts over the social-networking sites, you’re probably still sharing a lot more information than you realised. For example, I see some pretty personal conversations between various friends of mine on their own Facebook Wall posts. It’s as if they don’t realise ALL their friends can see what’s being talked about.

That’s why I don’t use my Wall. If people want to talk, I’ll do it through private messages.

On a different note, one friend of mine had a totally public page that explained what road she lived down, in which town, and proceeded to tell the world the dates of her holiday. Naughty, naughty!

STAYING OUT OF TROUBLE

“I’ve been so ill, so I need an extention for my essay. Oh yeah, and I’m afraid I can’t attend the compulsory seminar tomorrow, because I have a funeral to go to.”

With the power of the net, you don’t want to say this unless you’re telling the absolute truth.

If it’s a lie and you went out drinking and partying, others can find this out. And if instead of a funeral, you’re having a day out with friends, it’s quite possible for photos to appear online. A tutor might only need to spend a minute or two online to find out the reality.

In fact, tutors are more frequently becoming online friends with their students, so there’s even less room to hide.

Don’t feel invincible just because your privacy settings are switched on and you don’t speak to your tutor outside the lecture theatre. If any of your friends decide to post incriminating photos of you on their page, you’ve got just as much chance of finding yourself in deep doo-doo.

Everything I Learned so far Applied to Everything

ABC Teddy (photo by weirdvis)

It’s my belief that, deep down, we work on a relatively basic level. That’s not a bad thing and my statement alone is not enough (i.e. it’s too basic and is subject to many interpretations), but I think we can take a great deal from seemingly unrelated topics and use them to our advantage elsewhere.

Not only that, but I think we do it all the time. Almost without noticing.

I’ll explain. From an early age, I read up on many different topics. And each topic I would study in newspapers, magazines, books, and beyond. It needn’t be factual. I read a lot of fiction too.

With all this reading, I picked up on an important thing. The ideas and opinions being thrown around could just as easily be thrown elsewhere. In a completely different topic altogether, in fact.

The best recent example is in blogging. Many posts can work in situations that are quite alien to the subject being spoken about.

For instance, I read a guest post on the popular ‘make money blogging’ website, John Chow dot Com. It was a guest post by Gary Jones entitled “Everything I Learned in Kindergarten Applies to Blogging“.

Gary uses various common points, regular happenings and clichés surrounding kindergarten to explain aspects of the blogging world. Things like ‘Share everything’, ‘Say sorry when you hurt somebody’ and ‘Take a nap every afternoon’. Then he’s crafted them in a completely different way.

It works very well. It helps the reader to understand. It builds upon our associations and links them in a new manner.So as an experiment, I’ve decided to take blog posts and news that don’t specifically feature academia and see if I can turn them into something relevant to TheUniversityBlog and Higher Education.

And why not start with the post I mention above? Thus, in TheUniversityBlog style, I present to you:

EVERYTHING I LEARNED IN NURSERY APPLIES TO UNIVERSITY

– Share Everything
Your degree is not a competition. Sometimes it pays to work with others. While many smart students don’t study in groups, that doesn’t mean they isolate themselves from everything without engaging in debate and sharing ideas. Far from it.

Your confidence in your own thoughts and findings can be let out. If you don’t share the goods and prefer to hoard them, who knows what other treats you might be getting if you were to share and swap?

– Play Fair
Plagiarism is still an issue up and down the country. I don’t understand why, because you get caught. You’re not going to be lucky and beat the system.

It’s still going to happen, no matter what I – or anyone else – says. Whether it’s a sheer act of desperation, or a genuine belief that you can plagiarise without being spotted, there are still people who decide to do it.

Anything is better than that. Cheating is pointless and upsetting for other people and it always ends up biting you on the bum too! Steer clear.

– Don’t Hit People
When thousands of Freshers descend upon the campus, it’s inevitable that all the excitement can lead to frayed tempers. Shouting matches are bad enough (and there are plenty of those at the end of the night when the union shuts), but it’s even worse to participate in a violent brawl.

Don’t Hit People = Stay Calm & Compromise

– Clean Up Your Own Mess
Yes, it probably is your first time away from the family home. No, there isn’t anyone around to sort your life out in the same way now.

It doesn’t matter how independent you think you’ve been in the past. Uni is usually the first REAL time doing your own thing.

If you’re not doing it already, it’s a time to keep everything in order, do your fair share of housework (even if it’s just tidying your own space and washing your own dishes), and managing your time reasonably so you can work, socialise, eat, and sleep!

– Don’t Take Things That Aren’t Yours
So the cliché of taking ‘For Sale’ signs and traffic cones after a few drinks is still apparent. Naughty, naughty!

– Say You’re Sorry When You Hurt Somebody
If you do end up in a difficult situation through those frayed tempers, be prepared to get it sorted. An apology is not difficult, but a stubborn attitude causes the belief that it is. Get off your high horse and SAY SORRY. And mean it!

– Take A Nap Every Afternoon
With so much going on, it’s not unreasonable to give yourself a break. Invest in a power nap so you can carry on and make the most of the nights out too!

UniversityBlog – Best of October Posts

It’s a new month and it’s time to recap some of the big posts and popular articles. Time seems to have passed by so quickly! Well, here are the top 5 highlights:

1. Getting the initial work out of the way, every time – Getting a project off the ground may well be all it takes to succeed in a big way. I wrote the piece because this way of working has been beneficial to me for many years. It’s one well worth remembering.

2. Finding Your Personal Lifeskills (Or…”With Others You Can Do-It-Yourself!”) – No matter how much advice is thrown at you, it can only work if you make positive use of it and form it for your own wants and needs. Expecting something to happen without any of your own input is unrealistic. This article explains how you can reach a mindset that will allow you to make the most of the advice that comes your way.

3. Redefining Your Comfort Zone: 5 ways to make information your friend – Information has many forms and we take some in our stride, while other forms of information leave us cold. By redefining your comfort zone, it’s possible to consume a lot more information that you realise. Go to it!

4. Help for the Hopelessly Homesick – It’s still pretty early in the academic year, especially for Freshers. There may still be some mixed feelings about moving away from home. I wrote this after hearing from a number of homesick students and reading various stories on the fantastic site The Student Room. I think it’s been the most popular post since UniversityBlog began. There’s no harm in that and I hope it’s been of great use to you.

5. Turning Smalltalk into Bigtalk: 7 ways to find things to talk about – Sometimes it’s difficult to get a conversation going. I’ve been there before. You don’t know about a person, so you’re unsure how to find the words to say. Or you’re with a group of people you’ve never met and want to hit it off with them, but can’t imagine what witty words will impress them. The 7 tips I mention in this post have helped me to get a conversation up and running on many occasions.

Turning Smalltalk into Bigtalk: 7 Ways to find things to talk about

Talk Bubble (photo by spekulator)

It’s not always easy speaking to other people when they aren’t your closest friends. In fact, working out what to say can feel so difficult to some people that they steer clear from meeting new people. What if the conversation dries up after the initial ‘hello’?

There are lots of ways to find the words to say. And after a bit of chat, you probably won’t need to think about it any more. You’ll have either decided to end the conversation of your own accord, or you’ll be so deep in chat that you’ll have forgotten you ever did have a problem finding something to speak about!

Here are 7 pointers to give you a few more words to choose from when moving a conversation forward. They are aimed at initiating discussions with people and for talking to those you don’t know very well. But they should work just as well for all conversation in general:

Teen Talk (photo by melodi2)

1. Read – I really do mean READ. Don’t stay in your comfort zone and browse the two specialist magazines that you love. If you want to carry an awesome arsenal of smalltalk, read the news, check out the music press, immerse yourself in art, politics, entertainment, gossip, education, technology, food, local information, anything you have the time to devour. The more you take in, the more you can comment on and the more you can open up the conversation.

2. Write – Just as important as reading. Write down anything clever, provocative, funny, interestingly open-ended…anything that you might be able to use in a conversation. Whether it’s something you’ve overheard, something you suddenly thought during a lecture, a joke on TV, a true story that happened to you in the day. Whatever it is, get it written down so you don’t forget it. Then make use of it when chatting. This is where it’s always good to have a pen and small pad about your person, though it’s not always practical.

3. Bad is good – Just because you hate something, why should that stop you talking about it? People on chat shows like to talk about many things they dislike, while some stand-up comedians make a living talking about what annoys them. Make the most of the things you don’t like, just as much as you like talking about the things you love.

4. It’s all about listening – To have things to talk about, you need to develop an ear for what people have to say. If you don’t take in other people’s stories, how are you going to have things to talk about? Another person’s story could well become yours if it’s a corker. I suppose it’s like a high culture version of gossip! Just remember not to repeat a story told in secrecy and don’t use somebody else’s story as if it were your own. You’ll only end up telling the story to a person who knows where the proper story originates and it’s never pleasant to get in that kind of situation. If you’re told a funny story, relay it as a funny story you’ve heard. It shouldn’t lose any appeal just because you’re not telling the story in first person.

5. Learn new things / Do something different – Your experiences open up the opportunities to talk about all sorts. If you tried hang-gliding and it didn’t work out for you, you can talk about your experience. If you went on some crazy hike in the middle of nowhere and ended up lost, you can make light of it now. If you don’t already have experiences like this to hand, then get out there and make some experiences happen. Then you can tell people fresh from doing those things just how it went and get the talk going nice and quickly. And it doesn’t need to be anything fancy either. Even if you just go to a new place or listen to a type of music you’re not used to, it all helps to make smalltalk.

6. Don’t take your life for granted – An activity that has become second nature to you might be the magical answer to another person’s life. You never know. Therefore, it shouldn’t harm to bring up a topic that you find very normal. It may be far from the ordinary for someone else, or it might be an easy source of discussion between you and the person you’re talking to, so either way you can succeed.

7. Keep it clean – If you are finding topics of conversation with people you don’t know, it’s best to leave the smut and bad language out of the conversation until later. Even better, get rid of it altogether. However, if you find yourself in company that’s all for the coarse choice of words and stories, feel free to fit in with that if you’re happy with it yourself. Use your common sense to make your decisions on whatever situation you find. Don’t force the decisions to be made the other way around. For once, letting the other side make the first choice can help keep you very much in control of the situation.

Koliba_Girlz (photo by pjpjpj)