personal development

Kick Down a False Sense of Security

Your first year of university is very different to your following years.

In most instances, first year modules don’t account for much – if any – of your degree award. So long as you pass everything, you get through.

From the second year onwards, I heard a lot of people saying that they were going to need to take a proper reign of their work from now on, as the marks ‘mean something now’.

This is a shallow view, but it’s not really the student’s fault in seeing things this way. If all you need to do is pass something, where’s the incentive to try harder? It sounds like a good get-out, it sounds unimportant, and the first year of university is clearly about experiencing so much that it sounds great to ignore the work aspect as much as possible.

But rather than setting you up perfectly for the rest of your years at uni, the false sense of security can, in many cases, cause problems further down the line.

False sense of security

On this blog, I’ve always been an advocate of making the most of your time and looking at the bigger picture. In this respect, it’s a false economy to treat your study less seriously in your Fresher year than in your following years.

Even if you think it’s going to be easy to put more effort in from Year 2, the reality will soon bite you on the bum. It’s likely you’ll anticipate a sudden increase in workload, but you’ll be shocked at how much more reading you’ll have. And essays. And practical work. And presentations.

I treated my first year as an experiment. For instance, it was great to write essays quickly, ask tutors if I was working along the right lines, and amend the essays accordingly. It gave me a taste of what an academic essay needed to look like. The extra input did take up a bit more time to go over, but not much. It was more than worth it in rewards.

Regardless, because I made sure to get up around 6-7am most days, I got most work out of the way before anyone else was up. It looked like I was doing less work than everyone else!

So treat the year as a time to experiment and understand how to get the good grades next year. See where it takes you and don’t be afraid to occasionally go out on a limb. If you’re not being seriously marked, it’s much better to treat the work with a sense of fun, rather than not bother with it at all.

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A false sense of security can also lead to wasted time. If there are so many weeks before an essay is due in, it’s easy to sit back and chill. But with the prospect of an essay on your mind over those weeks, all enthusiasm and drive can fall away. Procrastination will only end up giving you more tasks to think about, so you’ll be less inclined to push yourself and do much with your time at all.

So in my first year, I learned to use hidden time as carefully as possible. For instance, my timetable generally consisted of an hour lecture, followed by an hour break, followed by an accompanying seminar.

The hour-long break was spent by many people doing one of three things:

  1. Sitting in the cafe, bar, or student union, having a laugh and a quick drink;
  2. Doing the work that was scheduled to be done in time for the seminar (leaving no time to address problems, confusion, quality, etc.);
  3. Using the computers on campus to surf the net until the hour had passed by.

My thought was to spend time on other study work, even if it was just to read quietly. Whatever study I was considering, it was another hour of work that nobody even noticed me working in.

No wonder people thought I did no work. But it was just an illusion.

It might sound like I just enjoy the studious side of university life. But in utilising my time well, I had more time to be social and enjoy myself too.

You have the same 24 hours that everyone else has each day.

So if I’m asked how I was able to manage so much with my time at uni, I answer, “How could I not have managed it?”

The truth is, I was often disappointed with myself that I didn’t achieve even more with my time. That false sense of security often bit me on the bum too!

But remember, we’re all able to improve exponentially. Don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise.

Finding confidence at university

It’s time for me to take a post from the blogosphere about a different subject and put the university focus on to it.

Today, I’m looking at a recent post from Life Coaches Blog, called “How to Boost Your Confidence at Work“.  It highlights 5 ways for those in employment to get out there and feel good about what they do.

But the 5 tips can be used in the context of university life.  Either through your study, or when socialising:

How to Boost Your Confidence at University

photo by Snap(R)

1. Fake it till you make it

  • Study

A new module can prove daunting for the best of us.  Remember you’re in the same boat as everyone else.  There’s no reason why you shouldn’t just crack on with the work without fear.

Taking on a positive persona as you work can work wonders.  There’s nothing wrong in seeking further advice when you feel stuck.  If anything, it shows greater confidence and forward thinking.  A winning situation.

  • Social

This doesn’t mean you should lie.  The main thing is to realise that you don’t know everything.  Doing something new can feel uncomfortable, but it’s part of life.  And at uni, everyone is doing new stuff all the time.  Rather than cautiously dip your toe in the water, jump in with both feet and enjoy the ride.

…er, so long as it’s not something potentially life-threatening or expensive…! 

2. Soak up knowledge and don’t be afraid to ask questions

  •  Study

When you ask questions, you want answers.  But in university terms, when you ask questions, you usually get into a great debate.

Never fear.  Debate helps you soak up information and it points you in the right direction for taking in even more useful facts.

If you feel confident on a particular topic, try to find different opinions and viewpoints.

If your confidence lacks the scope to go that far, at least ask questions in seminars, tutorials, and one-to-one meetings with tutors.  They’ll probably be happy to talk things through with you.  In no time, you’ll be taking on the world!

  • Social

University isn’t going to find you.  You have to find university.  That means finding out what clubs and societies are around.  That means checking the uni Intranet, student magazines and leaflets, and all the posters up around campus.

If you’re uncertain about something, speak to whoever arranges things.  They’ll probably be happy to hear you’re interested.  If you show enough interest, you may be introduced to even more goodies.

3. Delete negative self talk

Even the brightest of students can’t ace everything.

When you put yourself down and think the work is all too much, you’re denting that positivity within.  Get out of that hole and stop talking yourself down.

Admit that the work’s hard and accept that you have to put in a lot of work.  But the problem doesn’t lie with you if you’re willing to put the time and effort in to getting it done.

If you start convincing yourself, “Everyone else can do it, so why can’t I?  I’m such an idiot, I’m so rubbish”, then you need to turn this all around.

Why not use this exaggeration for positive gain?  Convince yourself of this…”Everyone else can do it, so why can’t I?  I’ve got the passion and the drive, so I’ll give it my all.  I can do this just as much as anyone.”

4. Avoid saying “I can’t”

Saying “I can’t” is usually a way of getting out of something.  It’s a bit of a comfort blanket.

I’m confused by those two simple words, “I can’t”.  How does anyone know that they can’t do something if they haven’t tried?  And if they’ve tried and failed, why does that mean all hope is lost from now on?

I’d be amazed if there was 100% certainty that you genuinely couldn’t do something, especially if it’s linked in with an assignment you’ve been asked to complete.

Give yourself that push and tell yourself that you can.  It doesn’t matter what the task is, so long as you have that drive…As the Adidas slogan says, “Impossible is nothing“.

5. Look the part

Instead of sitting about in the communal areas of your halls, why not set out a proper plan, listing your aims for the day/week/semester?  When other students moan that they’re bogged down with their study/reading/life, why not think twice before agreeing wholeheartedly with them?

People don’t always want to be fed advice if they’re not looking for it, but there’s no harm in positive encouragement of others.  So don’t automatically agree that life sucks, because you’ll end up believing it too.

At uni, it’s not about what you wear, how you look, or the visual presentation of yourself.  It may help in certain circumstances, but it’s not the answer.  You need a sturdy attitude that’s ready for anything.  With a positive attitude and confidence shining through, others will pick you up further and appreciate your outlook.  This, in turn, will boost you even more.  The cycle continues until you truly believe in yourself and know that you look the part because you’re firmly IN that part.

Confidence is not showing off.  Confidence is about positivity, drive, passion, and striving to reach a particular destination.  Showing off is telling people how wonderful you are.  There’s a difference!

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Have you discovered anything great that gave your confidence a boost in the past?

Do you regularly use a tried and tested method of letting confidence flow effortlessly through you?

Kill Conflict Dead

Arguments are all too easy to fall into. Don’t “act first and consider later”. Instead, take a moment to consider the three stages to staying on the right side of the situation:

photo by ragesoss

1. Stop the Gossip and Start to Talk

Most of us can probably remember a time when we were moaning about something that annoyed us. It needn’t be a big issue, just a slight annoyance that we want to get off our chest. And it’s not limited to people we don’t get on with either.

Unfortunately, a lot of moans turn into bitching sessions. Before you know it, you’ve got an issue with a pretty good friend and you’re finding a lot of negative stuff to say about them.

A tiny seed of annoyance grows into a reason to dislike a person. No wonder I’ve seen several close relationships end, yet neither party really understood how the problem came to be in the first place.

2. Take a Time Out

When you’re unhappy about a particular situation, give yourself a chance to let things settle in. Acting on impulse is crazy, because you won’t have allowed reason to kick in.

I’ve just explained the need to start talking, but it’s important to talk with a reasonable outlook. Nothing off the cuff will do.

A time out simply prepares you and allows you to consider your view outside the heat of the moment. In doing so, you have the opportunity to focus on the final stage…

photo by [simply].shambolic

3. Look at the Other Person’s Perspective

Whether or not you’re in conflict with a person, we could all benefit from considering how a situation looks from another person’s point of view.

Conflicts all too often occur because we get wrapped up in our own lives. Not enough thought goes into the wants, needs, and beliefs of others.

Before launching into any situation, it’s good practice to explore what other people might be thinking about and why they act the way they do.

You’re not going to be able to read their mind or fully understand the situation, but your consideration works on other levels:

  • It helps you step back calmly from your own opinion;
  • You realise that not everyone thinks just like you;
  • This unleashes your creativity to an extent…imagining what it’s like to be in someone else’s shoes.

While it’s unlikely you’ll suddenly change your mind and see eye to eye, at least you will come a little closer to accepting differences. It’s perfectly plausable that you’ll still find the other party behaving unacceptably, but at least you will have come to that conclusion from a more reasoned approach.

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Aftermath

And if you do still feel angry, remember to take deep breaths in and out, really feeling that air lifting you up. And there’s nothing wrong with testing your own patience by holding your tongue and counting to 10 (or 100, or 1000, or however long it takes to relax!).

If you consumed alcohol at the time of an argument and were too drunk to follow the three stages, be prepared to apologise, even if it wasn’t entirely your fault. Don’t be stubborn with the old, “They started it, so they can come to me first”. It doesn’t do anyone any good.

A true conflict requires more than one person, so you still owe it to yourself to maintain a responsible attitude. That way, you won’t look unreasonable in your actions, no matter what the outcome.

Helicopter Parents Need to Fly Away

Any loving parent would never want to disadvantage their child.  Far from it.  They would want to make sure the very best is coming their son or daughter’s way.

Helicopter Parents – those mums and dads who hover over everything to do with their child’s education – obviously want the best, but it’s likely to result in the opposite.

An article in The Guardian on January 2 caught my attention, because it seems that Helicopter Parents are now going further by embracing the job market for their kids.  They’ll be researching, attending careers fairs, getting involved with negotiations, you name it.

Oh dear.

I still remember eager parents taking the reigns in question and answer sessions at universities when I was visiting different institutions that I wanted to apply to.  I went along with my dad to each place, but he acted only as an observer.  In fact, in one presentation, he fell asleep and started snoring.  I had to give him a dig in the ribs to wake him up!

When I asked for help, I would receive it…so long as it was possible and reasonable.  But most of the time I had a lot of independence, which allowed me to learn for myself, as well as find my own voice.  I’m thankful for that.

If parents are surveying every move of their (now adult) children and getting too involved in choices, it doesn’t bode well.  How can that person’s confidence build up effectively?  And when will they get to hear their own voice?

Parents may say, “It’s what I would have wanted if I had the chance,” but is it what YOU want?