lifeskills

How to Ensure Living With Others Doesn’t Resemble Fresh Meat

Have you been watching Fresh Meat on Channel 4? How does it compare with your university experience?

The show follows a bunch of Freshers who are stuck together in a house off campus because there isn’t enough room in the halls of residence for everyone.

Joe Thomas plays Kingsley in Fresh Meat (photo by damo1977)

Joe Thomas plays Kingsley in Fresh Meat (photo by damo1977)

After the first episode, I thought the Telegraph summed things up best:

“Fresh Meat has two types of joke. One, somebody says or does something embarrassing; two, somebody says or does something cruel. And that’s more or less all you get, again and again, for a drainingly bleak hour.”

That’s not to say the show isn’t any good. It’s just consistently excruciating. You’ll no doubt squirm and cover your eyes when you watch it. Or, if you’re hard like me, you’ll just stare open-mouthed and wide-eyed at the insanity of it all. 😉

But Fresh Meat doesn’t portray living together with others as you might experience it:

  • It’s too isolated;
  • The coincidences are too forced to be realistic;
  • Everything happens too quickly;
  • There’s no let up from the awkwardness;
  • The truths and stereotypical situations are exaggerated for filmic effect.

Living with others isn’t always easy, even if it’s not usually as uncomfortable as Fresh Meat portrays. So how do you live together with others and survive to tell the tale?

HackCollege explains how easy it is to establish house routines early. In a new academic year, everything changes, even if you’ve already spent a year living with the same people in the same house. That situation is easier to deal with, certainly, but new timetables and different working circumstances introduce a new dynamic. Don’t think you’re home and dry, whatever you’re doing this year!

Wherever you are and whoever you’re living with, it helps to sort the housekeeping, rotas, admin, bills, and so on, as early as possible. Here are five quick tips (or 4 + 20 tips…) to make sure your experience doesn’t resemble one off Fresh Meat:

  1. Respect requests – You may not agree to every last wish of a housemate, but communicate with them and be reasonable. Try to find a compromise. If you can’t do that, look at other ways to handle the problem, even if it won’t result in your housemate getting closer to what they want. It may only take a friendly ear and you resisting the temptation to raise your voice in exasperation.
  2. Have regular meetings and LISTEN! – People see issues from many perspectives. Before you start thinking your other housemates are crazy, find out how they see the situation. The reason for regular meetings is not so much about formality, but more about continued communication. Keep talking and keep listening, because communication breakdown doesn’t help anyone.
  3. Keep notes, rules, rotas, and all important information up to date and close to hand – Avoid last minute scrambles to find crucial documents. Ensure everyone is fully aware of what’s expected and required. Commit to five minutes of admin once every week or two so you don’t have to timetable several hours later on when you’re busy doing more important things.
  4. Consider your housemates at all times – You want to feel at home in your own accommodation. And so does everyone else! Remember you’re not living alone. Flip things the other way… When you come home late at night, making huge amounts of noise, would you be happy if one of your housemates did the same thing when you were trying to get some sleep?
  5. Read my 20 hints for living with others – Loads more information to help you tidy, pay bills, and party with ease.

Dealing with curveballs

The best takeaway from all the stories about A-levels this year can be applied to anyone, no matter what their situation.

A Carlisle student got a double dose of misfortune after he received the wrong results and then, when he finally discovered that his actual result was still not good enough, had missed out on all available clearing places due to the delay.

So far, so frustrating. But something caught my eye in what Mike Smith said after this unfortunate news.

Smith told Cumbria’s News & Star that he was more angry with himself, because he knew he could have put in more work to get the grades he needed in the first place.

It could have been so easy to blame the sequence of events for what took place. If the error had not occurred, a clearing place may have been possible.

photo by John-Morgan
photo by John-Morgan

Despite these issues, however, he still recognised some responsibility. Rather than wash his hands of the whole thing, he showed awareness that he could take better control of his situation and that he would do so now.

Curveballs get thrown at us as we go through life. Some big, some small. But that doesn’t take away our own strengths and responsibilities. You cannot control your life down to the last action, but you do have great tools at your disposal.

From time to time, remind yourself to use those tools and to learn how they operate best.

When you’re faced with unexpected problems, remember not to just find blame in everything else. It is rarely worth the effort. Many things do happen outside of your control. That makes it doubly important not to give up on the things you still have a handle on. Letting go of everything is destructive with no purpose.

I hope Mike Smith is able to recover from this year’s unfortunate position. I’m confident he will, so long as he continues to take responsibility for the matters he has more control over. Smith has learned something from a curveball, which isn’t an easy thing to do.

Next time you’re thrown a curveball, what will you do with it?

Returning to awesome: 7 things to do after lower A-level results

Okay, it’s A-level results day. If you, or anyone you know, is holding on to grades that weren’t the ones you’d hoped for, read this.

Your life IS NOT shaped by your results. YOU go way beyond a few exam grades.

What makes you awesome isn’t about a particular institution, degree, or career. Those things don’t matter as much as you might think.

Your awesomeness is about what you do. Everything you do. And who you are.

You are the big picture. While your experiences are parts of you, they don’t define you, they only help build a definition of you in pieces. For every situation that makes you want to crawl under a rock, there are many others that will pick you back up and make your big picture more amazing than ever.

In short, you can still make things happen if you want it. Lower A-level results aren’t a fail. You may have failed to secure a firm offer to the degree you wanted, but that doesn’t mean you fail. Or, put another way, failure is fine. It means you work on what’s next for your big picture.

Stuff like this can make you feel deflated. But don’t let it make you give up. Start with some of the following:

Have a cuppa and stay calm. Oh, and a doughnut too. Nom.

1. Take stock and stay calm

Yes, it’s time to pick yourself up, but have a cup of tea first. Have a few cups of tea. Basically, let it go for a moment. Nobody expects you to jump up fighting straight after a shock. So relax. As hard as that sounds, try.
It is not the end of the world. If anyone acts like it is, they are wrong. Hope is not lost.
Imagine how it feels when you’re really dizzy. Your balance is thrown around at first, but you gradually improve. Give yourself time to feel a bit less dizzy.

2. Consider clearing options

Although some unis say they have no clearing places, that’s no reason to ignore what is available. Check my previous posts on clearing to make sure you are prepared:

Other clearing tips online today:

3. Only accept a place through clearing if you really want it and you think it’ll suit you

Just grabbing at places because you’re desperate to go to uni is a dangerous move. If you really are that keen to be in a uni, ANY uni, it’s better to find places that will guarantee you a place next year based on the grades you have. Then plan ahead for the year ahead.
Yes, even though tuition fees go up next year. Fees are more annoying than dangerous.

4. Consider your other options

We’re all thrown curveballs from time to time. You certainly won’t be alone in this situation. There are other routes into uni. And you may even decide not to bother with university at all. Correct, that IS an option. Seriously. A good place to start in checking out other options is notgoingtouni.com.

The Independent has information on distance learning options.

Also check out Ross Renton’s tips on what do you do if you don’t get a place at University.

5. Find support from understanding friends and family

Don’t go through this alone. And if it is too tough to speak to those you know, seek online forums of support. There will be a lot of people going through similar circumstances over at The Student Room, for instance.

UCAS also has an Exam Results Helpline, with people on hand to discuss your future options. Give them a call on 0808 100 8000. UCAS say, “Whether it’s questions about continuing into further or higher education, or pursuing different routes such as vocational learning routes, taking a gap year or finding employment, advisers are on-hand to offer free, expert and independent information and advice”.

6. Work on Plan B, even when you don’t have one

University and College Union says that tens of thousands of students who don’t get a uni place this year are “unlikely to have a plan B“.

So make one. Now you’ve considered your options, make a focused plan. It doesn’t have to be detailed, but it does need to be taken seriously.
Why? Because now is not the time to despair and grab at the first thing to fall into your reach.
Give it proper thought. Ask yourself some questions. What were you going to university for? How else can you get to where you want to be? Who or what can help you in your quest? Do you have any particular career or pathway in mind?
If you can’t answer all your questions, do some more research. And don’t be afraid to ask for advice as you do it. Nobody would be able to do as much as they do without other people.

7. Believe in yourself

It’s not always easy to pick yourself up after a fall. But don’t be hard on yourself. What’s done is done. If you did your best, there is nothing to worry about. You can shine brighter in other ways. If you know in your heart of hearts that you could have upped the effort, let this be Day One of making the effort you know you can give.

Good luck to you and may you have an amazing future.

Why being ‘involved’ is so important to learning

How much do you care about your degree?

Seriously. When you’re given an assignment, how does it make you feel? Excited? Interested? Antsy to start reading up on things?

Or do you ignore it? Dread it? Groan at another piece of work hanging around your neck?

Your degree may be in a subject you love, but the work itself may not automatically grab you.

This post will explain why you need to get more involved and how to become more involved than the average punter without breaking into a sweat.

photo by *(xava du)
photo by *(xava du)

True involvement in what you’re doing gets you feeling positive about the work you’re set. You’ll know you’re involved, because you’ll want to look beyond the task and constantly challenge your own assumptions. Not only does it feel good, but the work won’t feel such a drag either.

Interested yet?

Good. So — other than the above reasons that are awesome anyway — here’s why being involved in what you are learning is crucial to getting a grip of everything, including your grade:

  • Sparks natural interest – You go from consuming information to engaging with it. You start to do ask more questions. Greater depth brings with it greater curiosity. Without this involvement, it’s easy to give up at the sheer amount of detail covered. Once you become involved, you look forward to what’s next.
  • Natural flow, as opposed to letting off a firehose – As your involvement grows deeper, so does the constant rhythm of your work. Think for a second about the last minute essay rush that we all know too well. Days, even weeks, of nothing suddenly turn into a mad dash to meet deadline in a day. Intense pressure!
    Luckily, all that becomes a thing of the past when involvement grows. Procrastination isn’t entirely banished, but the monster is less likely to call on you.
  • Desire to query things at face value – Not satisfied with a basic answer (or perhaps ANY answer), the involved scholar isn’t satisfied without more detail. This isn’t out of spite or to trip anyone up; it’s because your personal focus on the subject is growing deeper.
  • Desire to seek out and create answers – You won’t stop at questions. The more you become involved, the more you’ll become a natural researcher for the topic. Far from being overwhelmed by it all, increased involvement makes the work a breeze. Ish. 😉
  • Opportunities present themselves more freely – You’ll look out for new things, next steps, and the latest information. It’ll feel like everything is coming to you. But you create your own luck. You just won’t have noticed your own hard work.
  • Others notice your enthusiasm and want to take things further – Take involvement all the way and you’ll get seen. Perhaps stuff *will* start coming to you before you seek it out! There’s no limit to how involved you could become. So what if you’re only an undergraduate? Who cares if you’re a Fresher? These days, you’re encouraged to start everything early for your future prospects. So jump in. Get involved. Do it right away.

How do you build up the inclination to be involved to this extent?

First off, shape what you do to reflect what you want out of life. If you have no big and bold reason staring you in the face, you won’t see the point. When you see relationships between doing and achieving, you care more convincingly.

Don’t sell yourself short. Here’s how to get more involved in whatever you like. It doesn’t have to be your degree, but that’s as good a place as any to start. Especially on this blog!

  • Write down what you want from this – Armed with this information, you have a proper idea why you need to do it. It’s not good enough to have a vague idea about the future (though a bit a vagueness can help in other ways). Note down the deeper meaning behind the work. Even the most enviable lifestyle requires moments of boredom and annoyance. Keep your eyes focused on the bigger picture to cope with these moments.
  • Frame it as a time-saving exercise – Look again at all the reasons why greater involvement is so awesome. Time and again, it’s because involvement helps everything feel natural. Increased focus doesn’t automatically require more time in the long run. Dedicated initial effort brings huge time savings. The hardest part is sometimes simply starting off.
  • Think long-term – As with the previous point, good beginnings are slightly more intense, but pay off many times over as you carry on. A short-term view means a hard slog rather than a light load. Look ahead and let your involvement grow with ease.
  • A light load still equals heavyweight commitment – You have to want to be involved for things to work out. No matter how long-term you project, and regardless of how much time you think you’ll save, you still need to be totally behind what you’re doing. Without true dedication to the subject itself, the momentum simply won’t develop.

There is an element of training yourself into an attitude here. While that might sound a bit forced, it isn’t all that frustrating. Above everything, give due importance to what is being asked of you, and recognise that the most you can get out of your experience is only ever less than or equal to what you gave in the first place. Short of giving you the answers, no amount of academic hand holding can help you if you don’t put the effort in yourself.

I don’t expect you want your hand held too much anyway.

Getting from A to B, obstructions will always litter your path. That’s why you need solid reasons why you’re travelling to point B. If it’s only in order to reach point C, you won’t give point B time of day. And when you finally reach point B, you won’t be thinking about point C because you’ll be looking forward to point D.

Life is full of pathways, but the adventure starts from the moment you set off. The more involved you are in that adventure, the more you can achieve.