After my first post on having a Long Distance Relationship (LDR), now I’ll tell you some stories about them, just to show how different the situations can be. I also have the EduLinks set up with loads of information and advice. Some of the advice may be conflicting, but lots of it falls on common ground. There’s no strict answer, but with a bit of reading up, digging deep, and working hard, you’ll at least be closer to getting the best out of your situation.

Now for a few stories. In no particular order:

1. Once upon a time, there was a couple. Let’s call them Active-Girl and Quiet-Man. They went to college together and started going out with each other a few months before finishing their exams. After college finished, they spent most of the summer together having fun and then headed off to different universities.

Active-Girl went wild at uni and made the most of every moment she could. When she wasn’t partying and socialising, she was studying. Meanwhile, Quiet-Man spent a lot of time in his room, missing Active-Girl’s company. He was going out with friends, but not with the same enthusiasm as Active-Girl.

Lucky for this couple, there was an easy train from door to door, so they could meet up (after the long train journey) every 2 or 3 weeks. Very quickly after a couple of visits, it became clear that Active-Girl wanted to take Quiet-Man out to see all her new friends and get involved in all sorts, while Quiet-Man just wanted to catch up quietly with his girlfriend and make the most of the short time they had together.

This couple wanted to stay in the relationship and to be faithful, but their needs had suddenly changed now that they were apart most of the time. So while they had good intentions toward each other, things were looking less promising.

The occassional visits were a marker for this couple and they hardly spoke with each other in between times. Fortunately, they realised this just in time and made a vow to e-mail and ring each other on a regular basis. In that simple vow, the relationship made sense again and they both lived happily ever after. All together now, “Ahhhh!”

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2. Another couple, Pocket-Boy and Clingy-Girl, were childhood sweethearts. They got together at a very early age and had a relationship that stretched far beyond romance. They were firmly best friends too. By the time university beckoned, they had been a couple for around 5 years already!

Then something very strange happened.

Before Pocket-Boy and Clingy-Girl went to uni, they mutually agreed to end their long-term love. There was no fuss or bother. They simply shrugged their shoulders and got on with being very good friends indeed.

And you know what? They did remain close friends and they had romances at uni too. And when Pocket-Boy and Clingy-Girl wanted to meet up again, Pocket-Boy would bring a girlfriend and Clingy-Girl would bring a boyfriend.

In agreeing together to call it a day, Pocket-Boy and Clingy-Girl found happiness in their university life and in their own friendship.

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3. Lady of Romance wanted to stay in her relationship with Mr. Ambivalent, even though they were going to be at opposite ends of the country to each other. Mr. Ambivalent agreed that staying in the relationship would be a good thing, despite the distance.

But when they went to uni, Mr. Ambivalent saw lots of gorgeous lady students who made his mind whizz about with naughty thoughts. And in all those nights down the Union and in clubs, drinking away happily, it seemed so easy to find these gorgeous lady students who were interested in him.

So he started taking one or two lady students back to his halls. Sometimes, they might be in the same halls too, which made things even easier.

All the while, Lady of Romance was having a good time herself, but minus all the interest in the opposite sex.

You’ll never guess what Lady of Romance decided to do one day…yes, she decided to pay Mr. Ambivalent a surprise visit! I think you know what’s coming next…you fill in the details.

After the obvious kerfuffle, and one slap in the face later, the relationship was no more. Lady of Romance was both happy and sad at the same time to have made a surprise visit to her EX-boyfriend. Luckily, her head was strong and she made a quick recovery. Oh yes, and she suddently started noticing lots of gorgeous gentleman students who made her mind whizz around with naughty thoughts!

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4. Fun-Guy and Great-Gal were in a steady relationship. Great-Gal was already a uni student and Fun-Guy was a local to the area. They hooked up, things were great, yada yada…

Then Fun-Guy announces that he’s off to uni too. But it’s a uni in another part of the country. Possible issues, thinks Great-Gal. And they don’t even get the summer together, because Great-Gal travels back home to her parents.

So the farewells are said a few months before uni takes place anyway. However, during that summer period, Great-Gal makes a point of keeping in contact with Fun-Guy. And Fun-Guy happily makes a point of keeping in contact too.

As Fun-Guy and Great-Gal keep in touch, they realise this might just work out.

And it’s true. It did work out. Regular contact made things work wonders. Even on occassions when there was nothing to say, they’d talk rubbish and be happy for the link. Bless!

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These situations were all different and none of them resulted in the end of the world, even if the relationship did come to an end. That’s the main point I wanted to make:

Whatever happens, remain strong and focused on a positive future.

It might feel difficult and you may think it’s easier said than done, but keep going and make the most of everything that you do. Dwelling in the past won’t help the situation, but embracing the future will benefit you greatly.

There are loads of different LDRs that I’ve been aware of over the years. Every one has a different story, as you’ve seen above by the examples. If you want advice on these complicated relationships, do check out the EduLinks Long Distance Relationships Special if you haven’t already. There’s plenty of reading material to help you work things out.

Good luck!

In looking at the statistics for this blog, I noticed that some people had reached it while searching Google for info and advice about maintaining a Long Distance Relationship (LDR). So welcome to the first part of a 2 part series of posts on the topic. As I’ve said before, I continued my relationship on a long-distance basis throughout my entire time at university and haven’t regretted it one bit. But it’s an individual decision, so before I offer any advice on maintaining that relationship, here are some important questions for you to ponder. Only you can answer them:

– What do you want most at this stage in your life?

– Are you prepared to make the time for your other half?

– Are you both at university (different ones, of course), or is it just you?

– Do you know how your other half feels about things becoming long-distnace?  Is that view compatible with yours?

Think carefully about what is going on and don’t make any rash decisions.  Sometimes neither decision will feel like it’s the best thing. If so, be more clinical about the situation and list the pros and cons in your mind. If one side far outweighs the other, you’ve got an answer. If there is a roughly equal balance on each side, at least it means you have a lot of positive reasons to stay in the relationship and try to make it blossom. So err toward the side of keeping that LDR alive if it’s difficult to choose in the first place.

Which brings us neatly on to some snippets of advice on maintaining an LDR:

– Make regular use of the phone.

– Listen to how your partner’s day has been and what they’ve been up to. If they’ve had a bad day, try not to be too overexcited about how brilliant your day was. On the flipside, if you’ve had a bad day and they start saying how amazing everything is for them, please do forgive them that. As humans, we do quite like to tell people about good stuff without always considering how jealous it might make you or that you might have more pressing issues on your mind. Understanding this puts you into a strong position for peace.

– If it’s possible, arrange visits…you to them and them to you. If you want things to work out, try to make the visits as regular as you can.

– If it’s not possible to arrange visits, let them know how you care by telling them, sending them letters (more personal), sending the odd gift if your budget can stretch to it, and DEFINITELY being friends too. If you don’t have the physical side for now, always keep focus on the mental side of your relationship.

– Make the most of any holiday time that you can spend with them. I’ve known LDRs to break down after a Christmas or Easter holiday, because not enough effort had been put in on spending that valuable time together as a couple, when it was possible. You’d think it would be the easiest time of year to maintain it, but it’s a trap worth remembering. Don’t fall into it.

Tomorrow, a few anonymous stories of the ups and downs on the well-traveled path of the university Long Distance Relationship. Plus, an EduLinks special on LDRs.