personal development

11 Ways to Help Build New Friendships

Many friendships occur when you’re placed in new situations. At school, you didn’t ask to be put in class with those other kids. But you made the most of the situation and found friendships among the people you were placed with. This type of thing happens throughout life, at university, in employment, and so on.

But you needn’t limit yourself to the people you’re forced to interact with. There are billions of other people in the world (and on campus!). The more you interact, the more you can network and the more you can develop relationships that will make a positive impact upon your life. Who knows where they could take you?

photo by NataliaEnvy

photo by NataliaEnvy

Some people seem to find building new friendships effortless. Their charisma and charm guide them to success from nothing. If you’re already at uni, you probably know at least one person who seems to know EVERYBODY! Maybe you hope that one day you could approach others with just as much ease and success. Well, I’m sure you already can. With a few conversation ideas and the tips below, you can improve the interaction with whoever you choose to engage with. Let’s explore 11 ways to engage positively:

photo by NataliaEnvy

photo by NataliaEnvy

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Seriously Consider Your Gap Year

Gap years are worthwhile and becoming increasingly common amongst students.

photo by Grant MacDonald-AWAY

Grant MacDonald-AWAY

The Independent has a gap-year student supplement in today’s paper.  If you’re taking a gap year before you hit uni, it’s a good read and full of ideas.  Of the more general articles, here are some goodies:

  • Gap Year: Ultimate Listings Guide – Plenty of inspiration here if you need ideas to help with your planning.
  • Which Gap Year Type Are You? – This may help you make sense of the direction you’d like to take, especially if you’re career-minded at the moment.
  • Hot to Make Yourself Stand Out – This is an important read.  If you only have time to read one article, make it this one.  To make the point, here’s an excerpt that’ll get you thinking:

“I often ask rooms full of A-level students to stand up if they are ‘definitely heading to university’, and then ask those who ‘definitely know what they want to do in life’ to sit down. With most of the room left standing (even after asking those with “serious work experience” to also sit down), you can see the depth of the problem admissions tutors and graduate recruiters have. A room of ‘No goals’ and ‘Have done nothing’.

Remind the students that their decision to chase this empty goal will cost them over £10,000 and the sheepish silence descends.” [How to Make Yourself Stand Out – Independent]

This article is an even more pointed read, given that I have also just read about ‘Taking a Gap Year’ on the Educated Nation blog:

“In the land I am from, saying ‘I’m taking a year off before I start college,’ means one of two things: either you’re a slacker and have no direction and do not wish to succeed in life, or your parents aren’t going to foot the tuition bill and you need a little time to think before you leap into the Student Loan Chasm of Doom.”

So…did you have a plan?

Will you make a plan now?

photo by zombizi

photo by zombizi

Less Stress, More Bliss

Exams may be long gone, the summer is here (when will the weather realise that!?), but there are still plenty things out there to pile on the stress.

Worse for wear (photo by melodi2)

photo by melodi2

Obviously, you don’t want that hassle…Bust that stress with these 15 tips:

  1. Give a big hug to the here and now – Don’t lose sleep over past events.  They’ve happened, so look to the present and making the most of now.  It’s not even worth worrying about the future too much, since we can’t predict how things will be.  Sure, we can prepare for particular situations, but you know you’re preparing too much when it becomes obsessive and/or time-consuming.
  2. Understand the causes of your stress – If you don’t have a reference point to combat your problems, there’s no way of knowing what’s making you feel this way.  Look to what’s really stressing you out and untangle it from the less pressing issues.
  3. Say ‘no’ to negativity – Problems easily get us down.  It’s simple to stress about something rather than directly deal with it.  But all the negativity makes you feel worse and worse and worse and worse and…you get the picture.  Focus on what’s going right for you and what can advance you further.
  4. Move away from the situation entirely – You may not have this luxury, but if you have the chance, get out of the fire and find a source of relaxation.  Even if it’s just an hour or so, the change of scene helps.  In an ever-connected world, it’s easy to forget that the brain needs a time to switch off and recharge.
  5. Be accountable to yourself and set your goals wisely – Do you answer ‘yes’ to every task you’re asked to do?  Are you forever catching up with work that didn’t emanate from you personally?  If so, it may help if you refocus on your own planning devices, rather than the clutter of voices that seemingly never stop telling you what to do.
  6. Commit to fewer goals to achieve more – You may have a million different interests, but what’s the point in having them if they all vie for your time in overwhelming fashion?  You’ll end up doing nothing at all!  Instead, deal with interests or jobs one at a time.  Multi-tasking many big projects doesn’t suit the brain particularly well.
  7. Ask yourself how important this really is – Maybe the stress will melt away if you genuinely pose the question of importance.  Is the amount of stress emitted truly equal to what’s expected in the end product?  Without noticing, we often overvalue our concern, which gets us worrying over trivial matters.
  8. Is the problem out of your hands? – If you’re stressing over something that you can’t make a difference over anyway, you’re wasting your time over it.  You may not be happy, but if you can’t make a change, it’s time to adapt and deal with it, or to move away from the situation entirely.  And in order to make sure that the stress is not deserved, consider one final time if there is any creative way to move that mountain and make a difference anyway.  If not, take a swipe to that stress.  You’re not giving up, you’re simply guiding your time toward matters in your control.
  9. Deep breath in through the nose, deep breath out through the mouth – When you need an urgent dose of relaxation, have a five minute breather…literally.  Slowly take a deep breath through the nose, let it zoom around your system, then calmly expel it through your mouth.  Do this a few times and your body will thank you.
  10. Sing a song – What’s your favourite song?  I hope it’s a belter, or at least an easy singalong.  Find a private place and have a good sing to yourself.  My favourite song is American Pie by Don McLean.  And all because my Dad played it in the car on long journeys when I was a kid.
  11. Go for a run – I don’t do this one very often, but once or twice I’ve felt a bit het up about certain situations, so I’d run around the block a few times.  Considering I live on a steep hill, it’s quite a tiring run, but it helps get rid of bad feeling and it also eliminates excessive adrenalin (which can also cause stressful thoughts).
  12. Break things down – Lots of little problems can feel huge if you lump them all together.  Take stock of these small problems and focus on how many of them you could easily knock on the head.  Alternatively, if you recognise an underlying issue at the heart of everything, make sure to concentrate on quashing that problem rather than any other annoyances (see Tip 2).  You may find the other issues disappear once you’ve handled the main problem.
  13. Get away from it all – Go back to your family home, or spend a few days somewhere relaxing.  While it doesn’t always work (and might just mask the problems), a break can sometimes clear the air and give you a new sense of purpose and direction.
  14. Smile and give thanks – When you’re stressed, it’s not easy to smile.  If you can’t force that smile out, try calling a good friend and catch up for a bit, or settle down to a DVD of your favourite comedy series.  And if that doesn’t help, be sure to be thankful for all the good things that are happening in your life right now.  There are positive aspects to your life, even when everything feels like it’s crumbling beneath your feet.  You may have to search around before you stop convincing yourself that the world is about to end, but once you begin to see the goodness coming through, it gets a whole lot easier!
  15. Check your own health – Stress doesn’t necessarily emanate from what’s happening externally.  You may be feeling the pressure from your own body.  It could be diet, excessive alcohol, popping too many pills, caffeine overdose, lack of exercise, disturbed sleep pattern, and all sorts of things.  If you feel perfectly happy, yet still find life stressful, give your body a little TLC and see where it takes you.  And if things get too bad, do consult a doctor.

I wish everyone a happy and stress-free summer…and beyond!

Free Executive (photo by sachyn)

photo by sachyn

Stop thinking and start listing!

A simple thought today.  Lists are easy to consume, quick to compile in a rough form, easy on the eye, and a good way of getting your brain out of first gear.

Notepad (photo by abeall)

Perhaps I should have said that lists are:

  • easy to consume;
  • quick to compile in a rough form;
  • easy on the eye;
  • a good way of getting your brain out of first gear.

If you need to brainstorm, but can’t quite muster the storm part (or the brain part), try compiling a list of rough ideas/thoughts first of all.

I’m not talking about a wonderfully thought out to-do list.  This isn’t time to worry about what’s important either.  You needn’t number the list or think about an order of importance.

A simple list is just a way to get your mind wandering in a productive fashion.  Doesn’t matter what the focus, just list!  Don’t even think of it as work.  Just see where it takes you.

There is a well-known tip for conquering procrastination.  Take just 10 minutes of your time to start working on that project that you haven’t begun yet.  10 minutes is no time at all, so it’s pretty easy to commit to those 10 minutes.  Since starting is usually the hardest part of getting to work, you’ll have crossed that bridge and are likely to keep going for an extra 10 minutes.  And another 10 minutes.  And so on.

Combine the procrastination trick and list-writing with the aim to spur you on to greater thoughts.  It’s surprising how many ideas are suddenly unlocked from your mind just by drawing up a quick list when you’re working against the clock.

In the summer months away from campus, you’re probably thinking about what you want to do over this time.  Spend 10 minutes listing what you’d like to achieve and it’s a quick way to form a basic plan.  In no time, you have a major starting-point to work from.

Quick, give it a go!  It’ll give you an idea how this type of exercise could also help with your academic work.

Tomorrow, I will look at why an initial listing like this can work so well at engaging our deep thoughts and bringing out the best in us.