personal development

Woody Allen and the art of letting go

Woody Allen has got his head screwed on. He knows how to let go.

photo by Gilberto Viciedo

Allen told the New York Times that he never rewatches his films after they are made:

“I’ve never once in my life seen any film of mine after I put it out. Ever. I haven’t seen ‘Take the Money and Run’ since 1968. I haven’t seen ‘Annie Hall’ or ‘Manhattan’ or any film I’ve made afterward. If I’m on the treadmill and I’m scooting through the channels, and I come across one of them, I go right past it instantly, because I feel it could only depress me. I would only feel, ‘Oh God, this is so awful, if I could only do that again.'” [Source]

He doesn’t want to feel that itch to improve the past. There’s no point in being embarrassed now. That type of worry is redundant.

I also admire Allen’s drive to start working on a new project as soon as he finishes the last. Always moving ahead, never looking at what’s passed.

I’m sure he still learns from mistakes and takes from experiences. But he won’t dwell. Neither will he panic about the future.

Compare this with Jenny Diski’s comment in this fortnight’s London Review of Books:

“It’s absolutely true that writing a book doesn’t make you happy (it’s never good enough while you’re writing it or after you’ve finished it, and anyway what about the next one).”

I can’t say how happy Woody Allen is when he’s writing screenplays, but he does manage the situation well:

It may never be good enough, but he cracks on with that understanding.
He lets go once the project is finished.
The next project is a challenge worth starting right away.

How do you use this as a student?

Whatever you do, be ready to let go:

Let go of research. You’ll never know everything. The aim is to have *enough*.
Perfection is not attainable. Letting go before it’s perfect is necessary, not shameful.
When you hand work in, let go of that burden. Stop thinking of ways to improve on writing style (at least until it’s handed back).
When you let go of one project, grab hold of the next as soon as possible.

What do you need to stop dwelling on? What is your next project going to be?

The Peril of Reacting Too Soon

Things happen quickly. Sometimes a bit too quickly.

We’re treated to rolling news coverage, constant friend updates, text messages, and feedback wherever we are. These treats are relatively new. Turn the clock back a few years and we weren’t focused on ‘instant’. The way we interact with the world has changed rapidly.

photo by nathij

How do you react in this ‘instant’ culture? The danger is that people panic and want to be a part of what’s unfolding. Go away for an hour and the fun is over. So you jump in without thinking much about what you’re doing.

In most situations, no harm will be done. But it only takes one mistake for everything to crash down around you.

Before you react to a situation, whatever it may be, remember these points:

1. Take a step back – Remove yourself from the heat of the situation, even if it’s just for a few seconds.

2. Consider the feelings of others – Is your reaction funny or offensive? Are you jumping in before you have all the information? Do you know why other people did what they did or are you rushing in blind?

3. Consider your own feelings – Is it worth flying off the handle? Are there more important things in life? Do you really feel that strongly about the circumstances or will the emotion die down quickly?

4. Will people understand your reaction? – By hastily blurting out, you risk misinterpretation. Far from helping matters, your speedy actions could make things worse.

5. Reacting on your own? Then speak only for yourself – It’s easy to get carried away as if you’re acting for a whole group of like-minded people. Speak on your behalf, not anyone else’s behalf. And don’t blame others if you make a mistake. Take responsibility for your reaction.

6. Reacting in a group? Then don’t stand out – You shouldn’t get too personal, otherwise a group reaction can quickly become your own over-excitement.
On the other hand, peer pressure and collective actions can make you do things you wouldn’t have done on your own. Don’t get swept up in the excitement and go further than you feel comfortable.

7. Research as much as you can – You may have 50 seconds, 50 minutes, 50 days… Even if you need to react in a split second, always keep a focus on knowing as much as you can about a situation. For instance, on Twitter I spend a few extra moments checking a fact or going to a person’s profile for clarification before I send a tweet. Your time is valuable, but it’s better to spend one minute checking stuff in advance than it is to spend one hour trying to make amends.

8. Do you even need to react? – Ask yourself if a reaction is worthwhile. A lot of the time you’ll probably realise you don’t have to do anything. And if you do choose to react, you will have a greater self-belief in what you are doing, just from briefly assessing your position. This is much better than if you had barged in without so much as a breath.

What do you do when faced with ‘instant’ reaction?

10 Alternative Meanings to “I Can’t”

“I can’t.”

Those two words are so easy to say. The words manage to hide so many meanings behind them. What does “I can’t” really mean?

“I’m Scared” – Moving out of your comfort zone is hard. So hard that you don’t want to do it. That’s fear talking.
“I Haven’t Focused On the Right Thing” – You try, but you reach a dead end. Another direction will provide another result. When you’re in a maze and find that path blocked, you need to head back. You don’t give up with an “I can’t” because you need to find the exit. Find another way. Seek out new paths.
“I Haven’t Considered Things Properly” – Before you can take solid action, you need the right information and the right tools at your disposal. Crack on with the research.
“It Doesn’t Fit With My Lifestyle” – You probably *can* do something, but not under the current circumstances. Do you change what you’re doing, or do you choose to let go?
“I’m Not In Control” – Take hold of responsibility if you can. Otherwise, accept that external issues are getting in the way. Your personal limitations needn’t be a factor. You either can do it or you don’t have access to that path. That’s very different to “I can’t”.
“I Won’t” – Too much bother? That’s your choice. Here lies a big difference between “can’t” and “won’t”. Time to motivate yourself so it’s worth the bother.
“I Don’t Like Change” – Similar to being scared, change brings down the defenses and lets the comfort zone take over. The unknown stops you from making convincing moves, but you do have the ability to forge forward. Once you do, you just need to maintain the momentum.
“There’s Not Enough Support” – You can’t work alone and expect to achieve everything with no external help. Sometimes all you need to do is ask. Support is available for most things. However, you have to seek it out. It’s rare for support to offer itself!
“I’m Busy” – Are you willing to make the time by changing your priorities? Whatever is most important to you is deserving of more time. Most people have a choice and can find the time. Watch less TV, be less available, get up earlier, drop your least interesting society, work on fewer personal projects, etc., etc.
“I Don’t Have a Plan” – Ambitions and long-term projects need some sort of plan. They don’t need to be overly detailed, they don’t have to be strict or time-limited, they don’t require insane amounts of complicated strategy on your part. What they do require, however, is an idea of why you want it and how you intend to move toward that goal. It’s fine to say “I want to walk away with a First class degree”, but you must recognise the work you have to put in to achieve that. A goal without a plan is just a dream.

Photo credit: Haleyface (some rights reserved)

11 Ways to improve your communication skills

You speak with a wide range of people. Even if you don’t alter your personality to cover this, I’m sure you change the way you speak. It only takes a few subtle differences to make you sound like another person. How you talk to a mate isn’t how you talk to your Mum.

However, the way you communicate should be similar, whoever you talk to. Here are 11 ways to communicate with clarity:

photo by Torley

Pay attention – Don’t start thinking about what you’re going to say next when someone is talking to you.
Watch the person – No need to stare, but always try to maintain a good amount of eye contact. If you’re looking around all over the place, you’ll look bored or distracted.
Listen – Communication can break down more easily than you think. You have more chance of finding common ground with someone if you truly listen to what they have to say. Even if you don’t agree with the other person, give them a chance to explain their view before you crash in again. Understanding someone else’s view isn’t a weakness, it should help strengthen (or alter) your position.
Show interest – How much do you take your friends for granted? The more you get used to your mates, the more casually you will become in showing interest. We tend, almost bizarrely, to hang on every word of someone we’ve just met. But as a friendship develops, the effort fades even though you’re becoming closer.
Ask questions – Ask when you don’t understand, ask when you need further information, ask when you’d like their opinion, ask when you’ve been doing all the talking, ask when you’re interested. Enjoy asking questions as much as you enjoy answering them.
Don’t waffle – Make your point, give an example if you need, and perhaps ask a question to finish. Don’t ramble on for hours unless you’ve been asked to tell a story or you’re up on stage. Don’t give people the chance to switch off. Do give people more chance to talk themselves.
Respond to the wants of your audience, not yourself – It’s easy to go on a mission and forget that everyone else has moved on. Don’t get carried away with your own importance.
Respect others – Disagreements are common, no matter how close you are to a person. In fact, those we’re closest to can sometimes get the worst of you. If you don’t see eye to eye, respect the other person’s opinion. Unless the matter is purely objective and is problematic until you get an answer, you’re better off letting go. And if the matter really is that important, actively seek out the information you need before carrying on.
Take a break if the communication has broken down – You can’t always find resolution or compromise or even a natural cut-off point. If the conversation gets too heated, suggest a rest so you can clear the air a bit. Without a break, the chances are nobody is listening to others any more.
Treat all communications like a presentation – When faced with a public talk or presentation, we want to make an impression. Advice on delivering a speech is available all over the place. Take advantage of these tips when putting your point across in less formal situations. If you can learn to look good on the stage, why not learn to maintain a good impression at all times?
Use the right platform – Face-to-face, over the phone, through a text, via a tweet…there are many ways of communicating. Before you pick one at random and before you choose what’s easiest for you, consider how much better you could make the discussion using the right format for the recipient too.

Communication is not just about what you say. Just as important is how you communicate that information.

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