lifeskills

What’s the M Matter – Part 2

Following on from yesterday’s offering, here are five more ‘M‘ things that matter for students. And all because the word ‘matter’ begins with the letter M. Crazy, eh? Anyway, here we go:

Students (photo by gokoroko)

MANAGEMENT MATTERS
You are your own boss. Nobody can take that away from you unless you let them.

Productivity is only possible if you manage what you’re doing. So here’s how to briefly manage any aspect of your life (include your life as a whole, if you like!):

  • Make a plan
  • Edit/Revise the plan if any changes arise (if you can’t fit things in or get it to work, you need to cancel something out, even if you really want it)
  • Keep reviewing the plan (if you don’t keep on top of a plan once you’ve written it, why on earth did you write it in the first place!?)
  • Stick to the plan

This is very basic, but it works this way. If you know HOW to implement this, you can’t go wrong.

MIND/MEMORY MATTERS
I’m not about to give you loads of special ways to remember stuff. Neither am I going to explain how to study effectively.

All I want to say here is that you needn’t give yourself too much work. It’s best to work smarter, not harder.

This is explained well in detail at Gearfire Student Productivity. So I’ll shut up with this and let you check that link out instead!

MODERATION MATTERS
Obession and addiction are just around the corner. It doesn’t matter what the subject is; if you are going overboard with something, you risk losing focus on what’s REALLY important.

The word ‘moderation’ is used for alcoholic reasons a lot of the time. “Enjoy your drinking in moderation”, is the kind of thing you see placed at the bottom of an advert for vodka, or a poster for a drinks promotion in a pub.

But it’s wise to do ANYTHING in moderation. Most things are fine on the odd occasion, but are best left in with the mix of things, rather than taking up too much time. The important word to note here is BALANCE.

Get your balance right in day-to-day business and you’ll benefit from a much better day. Everything from your leisure time right through to your study time will pack a bigger punch if you do each thing in moderation.

MOOD MATTERS
Over the years, we have become freer to choose our own mood without caring what others think. There are fewer social repercussions then ever. So if we want to have a stinking mood, who’s to stop us?

But this is rather missing the point. Now we can act however we want, we stop trying to improve our mood. If anything, the mood is allowed to magnify and cause even more problems.

Ultimately, the person who benefits least from this is you. What a surprise…

When you next find yourself in a bad mood, there’s obviously nothing worse than bottling it up. But once you’ve let off some steam in whatever way you wish, it’s then time to take your mood in a different direction. No use dwelling on it, you’re better off dealing with it.

Now then…this isn’t a cue to eat handfuls of chocolate or find someone to punch. It is a good cue to do something like this:

  • Clean around your room
  • Move to a different environment (if you’re at home, go for a walk; if you’re on campus, go into town and take in the vast number of people around you; if you’re in a large group, go and find a peaceful place to gather your thoughts)
  • Change your clothes just to get a different feel for the day

These are just examples. Anything that changes the situation should help. It doesn’t really matter what you do, so long as it’s not a quick fix of eating badly or damaging something. You’ll either cause some other problem or be on a real downer later.

MEMBERSHIP MATTERS
We all like to belong. From a single close friendship, to a subscriber of a worldwide phenomenon, it’s always great to feel like a valued member.

All too often, the focus on membership is sometimes left to one side. If a particular relationship breaks down or you’re not picked for a team, that immediate membership appears broken. It’s at this point that reality melts away, leaving your focus unnaturally on that single issue alone.

To give yourself a boost, always remember your solid memberships elsewhere. When one thing collapses, it rarely takes everything else with it. No matter how difficult a break is, we can get up and put the matter behind us.

Yes, getting over a knock is easier said than done, but you belong to your own special club and you owe it to yourself to make the most of it. And more importantly…to stay a member in the club. Look around you, take in the view, and with a little bit of personal positivity go out there and conquer the world, no matter what’s just happened!

on green1 (photo by gozdeo)

What’s the M Matter? – Part 1

This week, I’m starting with a two-part series.  The series is brought to you by the letter M.  Five M’s that matter today, another five tomorrow.

I’m tempted to do the whole alphabet, but we’ll see…Anyway, what matters for students?

MOTIVATION MATTERS
However taxing a task, however dull a duty, however awful an assignment…you can succeed when you’re motivated to do it.

  • Set out rewards for yourself
  • Prepare clear goals and tick them off when you’re done
  • Focus on your mental attitude and MAKE your time enjoyable
  • JUST DO IT! Dwelling on how terrible the job is just makes things worse. Procrastination feels good at first, but it doesn’t solve anything. Once a job is done, it’s done. Getting it out of the way is a great feeling, especially when most other people around you won’t have got their work out of the way!

MONEY MATTERS
When you get that wonderful money deposited into your account, do you get the urge to spend it? Do products suddenly become more easily affordable in the short term?

This might be the first time you’re used to seeing such amounts of money available to you. So instead of going mad on purchases, step back and make sure you realise where that money needs to go.

You’ve got rent, fees, books, stationery, (the occasional) drinks, food, phone bills, other utility bills (if you’re not on campus), and probably other things that you have no choice but to pay up for.

DO Budget
DON’T impulse buy
DO consider purchases carefully
DON’T think about what others are doing with their money
DON’T listen to peer pressure about what to do (and if you can’t afford a round of drinks, don’t get involved in having drinks bought for you in a round…being upfront is not a crime)

MADNESS MATTERS
For all those crazy students who never seem to stop having fun, there are students who want to knuckle down on the work and ignore all the other aspects of university life.

Having a few mad moments should add to your experience and open you up to even more happiness. If you don’t have that work/life balance due to excessive study, it’s just as bad as those people who never seem to do any work.

ME ME ME Matters
It’s okay to be selfish sometimes. Pamper yourself, consider yourself, love yourself. If you don’t love yourself, how can you love others? If you don’t care about your own interests, how can you achieve the grades and experience that is right for you?

You might think about yourself more than anyone else, but you have to go a little bit further and be happy in your own shoes. Because you’re not in anyone else’s, are you?

MUNDANE MATTERS
Excitement is a boon to student life. Always finding something different can spice things up no end. Constantly changing your focus can expose you to goodness knows how many different situations.

But deep down, we all crave routine and recognisable scenarios just as much as we want a difference.

Never neglect the mundane issues. If you don’t keep on top of these little things that happen every day/week/month, there’s a danger of losing all focus. In the end, you face a confusion of ideas that all lead to nothing.

By all means add some variety to what you do, but don’t go overboard. Just remember, the sea can drown you just as easily as it can take you on a cruise and ride the surfing waves…

Help for the Hopelessly Homesick

HUGE POST ALERT! This is a long list of 21 tips for beating homesickness. You may want to bookmark or save it if you don’t have time to read it all at once.

Lonely Chair (photo by daycha)

Settling in to a new place isn’t always easy. Even second year students can have difficulties adapting to a house off campus, living with a group of people who may like to do things a bit differently.

At these points, whether you’re a Fresher or an established student in new surroundings, it’s not uncommon to feel a bit homesick. And it makes matters even harder if you know you have loved ones missing you too. So what’s to be done to take away the homesickness blues?

1. Memories – bring posters and ornaments that remind you of home. Put up some photos of your loved ones, friends and family.

2. Resist the urge to call/e-mail/write every five minutes – Dwelling on it just makes things worse, because you’re not immersing yourself in anything else. The less you do and the more you dwell will make matters worse. Enjoy your new surroundings as much as you can.

3. Talk to others – You’ll find you’re definitely not alone. It’s not unusual to feel this way. And even if you believe everyone else around you is taking it a lot better than you, they are probably putting on a brave face and getting on with life as best they can. Guess what the next tip’s going to be…?

4. Get on with life the best you can – Accept that life moves on. It’s not surprising that you feel this way. For the majority of uni students, this is the first real time of living away from home. If it didn’t happen now, it would happen at some point anyway. The road to independence is a good one and it’s what so many teenagers want. Once the reality sets in, however, some people backtrack on the wish for that independence. Go ahead, you’re allowed to enjoy life. Despite what the media push to you, life is less likely to bite you on the bum than you’d imagine.

5. Keep going and set goals – In relation to the above tip, remind yourself not to give up. The best way to do this is to form a plan and note down any goals you want to achieve in the next days, weeks, months, years…

Work out what things you want in the short, medium and long term. If you’re finding it difficult to think of anything you want out of university life, you may wish to speak to your personal tutor about it. Alternatively, if you are feeling low and want a confidential and anonymous chat with someone who will listen, some universities run a NightLine.

6. Look at the flipside – Just think, since you miss home so much, imagine just how great it’s going to be when you go back to visit! Make a plan to go back and note it down. Look forward to returning for a bit of a catch up. In the meantime, occupy yourself with uni friends, study, societies, outings, and so on.

7. Get involved in local events – If you don’t have enough interest in what’s happening on campus, look to the surrounding local area for events, outings, and clubs. Local papers, tourist information centres and newsagent windows are just some of the sources for local happenings.

8. Get a job! – It might seem extreme if you weren’t planning on it, but getting a bit of cash in might also help you feel less homesick. With something else on your mind such as part-time employment, you tend to forget about homesickness (as well as many other things), so it’s an extreme step, but an effective one.

9. Confront your feelings – Sometimes your other emotions can disguise themselves as homesickness. Are you feeling anxious about your study? Are you stressed about your new surroundings? Are you scared that you have too much independence all at once?

If you have any worries such as these, it may not strictly be homesickness. There are many people you can talk to, including your personal tutor, your Senior Student/Student Ambassador and your Student Services. Communicating your concerns and worries in this way can help greatly and you should be given a lot of support too.

10. Invite your friends to visit – If you can’t go back home, bring a piece of home back to you! Invite a friend of two from back home and show them around the campus and local area. Engage with new uni friends at the same time if you can. Try to make this new surrounding a home away from home.

11. Invest in the power of the word ‘HOME’ – For some students, less than a single day passes before they are already calling their new digs ‘Home’. As an experiment, try referring to your room/flat/house as your ‘Home’. That’s essentially what it is, so it’s time to convince yourself. The way we word things and present them to ourselves can make a strong difference to our perceptions.

FP_PLH (photo by danzo08)

12. Write – One thing about writing…the more you do it, the easier it gets. So why not try writing a diary (or a blog like this perhaps) that describes what you’ve been doing? Describe the surroundings of your new environment, explain what you’ve been learning, describe the people, give life to everything around you.

And the more you write about it, the more passionate you can become about it. Good luck!

13. It’s okay to be overwhelmed – When you first arrive somewhere new, there’s usually a lot to learn. But university has so many new things that it can feel like you’ve woken up on the moon and don’t have a clue how you’ve got there! To add to the confusion, there are millions of things happening and not enough time in the day to be enjoying it all. In short, it’s a rather overwhelming experience.

However, THIS IS NORMAL! You’re not being slow and you’re not expected to be a superhuman individual who can pick up everything in seconds. If you feel like it’s a lot to be dealing with, you’re almost certainly right.

14. Develop a new comfort zone – Living with your family and having a good support network has probably been the norm for most of you. If you’ve moved away now, it’s time to rub your hands together and get ready for a new setup. Prepare yourself for this and you will develop a new comfort zone in no time. But dwell on your previous comfort zone and of course you’re going to find the new situation difficult to cope with. As they say, out with the old and in with the new.

15. It can take time, so don’t panic – The transition from home to new home isn’t quick for some people. If you begin to worry that it’s taking you too long to settle in, take heed in the fact that it can take a number of weeks before things begin to feel a bit more ‘normal’. It might take longer than a whole term/semester!

There’s no timer on you, so don’t impose any limits or tell yourself you’re never going to shake off the homesickness. Let things take there course and continue to be positive in your new experiences. I’ve known people to take months before they settled down, yet had the best time of their life since then. As they say, patience is a virtue!

16. Embrace reality – For some students, Fresher’s Week will have felt like one big party. There might have been no time to stop and think about what’s going on. Lashings of alcohol, loads of new friends and a shed-load of events can send the clock spinning so fast that the week is over in what feels like seconds.

And then what? Reality hits, taking you into unchartered territory. You’re slapped into a sobering outlook.

Yes, university is not one big party. There is work to be done too. There is such thing as sleep…you can’t get away without it.

With such a suddent jolt, it’s easy to think back to home life and how easy it felt compared to this. But that’s just the settling down that’s happening to you. Bizarrely, we sometimes mistake the gentle calming after such a great event to be an awful stress. I’m not a psychologist, so I don’t know why, and I’ve not read enough about it. But again, you’re focusing on the shock of the new. You’ve been given some time to think about it, but you would rather keep going with the non-stop fun.

Don’t worry, there will be plenty more fun to be had. The jolt is a shock, but there will be many better shocks to come that will more than make up for this.

17. Incorporate a hobby into your new surroundings – If you don’t have a hobby, try to take one up for a short period of time (you never know, it might even stick!). For example, you could do some photography within the local area and take in the sights. Or maybe you could go on a different walk each day to find out what’s around you. If you can incorporate an enjoyable pasttime to your area, you can grown an affinity with it much easier than when going in blind.

lonely man (photo by dduchon)

18. Invest in a webcam – If you want to keep in visible contact with friends and family, you can buy pretty cheap webcams for your computer these days. If you and your family set them up, you will be able to have video chats over the internet, which may help the distance problem. Just remember not to have conversations all the time, or you will continue to dwell on the homesickness!

19. Eat, drink, be merry, and rest on it – Keep a routine of eating food, drink plenty of fluids (of the non-alcoholic variety), enjoy yourself as much as you can, and don’t forget to sleep regularly.

All these things have an impact on the mind and body. If you ignore these vital things, you’ll end up feeling more cranky and homesick than ever. Treat your body well and your body will treat you kindly back.

20. Don’t build it up in your head – If you keep sitting in your room, thinking about home and recreating all those happy memories in your mind until you’re even more sad, then STOP IT NOW! Whenever you start to drift into these thoughts, the best advice is to get up, get out and find people to interact with. Maybe those in your communal kitchen, or maybe some people outside. Whatever you do and wherever you go, just make sure you leave the memories of home behind. They’re meant to be good memories of happiness, not thoughts to upset you. Put them to the back of your mind until you’re ready to revisit them with happy thoughts instead!

21. Keep exploring – The more you know about your new town or city, the more you will be accustomed to it.

For starters, learn your room and its layout. It is, after all, where you’ll be staying. It will be your new bedroom and life area, so familiarising yourself with this is a positive first step to banishing the homesickness.

Next, learn your new building. Whether it’s a house, flat, halls of residence, it doesn’t matter. Get to know it well. Get a feel for what goes on and how it’s used. You might find a particular kitchen or floor has all the fun and interaction. Try to incorporate yourself there if you can.

Explore the campus. Don’t limit yourself to the main areas and what you’ve already been shown. Give yourself a real workout and see what’s what. Even if you don’t revisit half the places again, at least you will have taken the opportunity to understand the overall outlay of where you’re going to spend a lot of your time over the next few years.

Further afield, check your local area. Invest in a local A-Z map if you haven’t already. It’s invaluable and might even give you the upper hand when planning an outing. Not everything happens just in the main town or city. It wasn’t until my final year when I realised that there was a whole different aspect to my local area…I used to only ever walk toward the city centre in one direction. In my final year, I found out that walking in the opposite direction presented all sorts of other places of interest. It took two whole years for me and my friends to find a whole new world on our doorstep. If you find out about it straight away, you can really get a sense of belonging…If you become a guru of your surrounding area and know more about it than your friends do, you’re bound to get a little bit of realisation that this really can be your new home.

Six (photo by woodsy)

Finding Your Personal Lifeskills (or…”With Others, You Can Do-It-Yourself!”)

Take Advice 3 (photo by woodsy)

We’re all different. No number of friends, family, development gurus, lifehackers, personal tutors, or anyone else can tell you about YOU. It’s time to believe in yourself, listen to yourself, and let the answers present themselves. Advice is just that. It’s not an instruction or a demand. It’s some assistance that you can shape to further complement your current skills.

You’d think that would be easy, but it doesn’t present itself that way most of the time.

There are several reasons why we prefer to listen to other people:

  • It seems more authoritative if the advice comes from someone else;
  • When we look for help, we’re automatically putting our own skills and learnings on the back-burner. ‘Looking for help’ doesn’t instantly remind us to look to ourselves for any answers;
  • We’re used to being told the answers. Google, encyclopaedias, 24-hour news, teachers, parents, adverts and others all give us the ‘information’, the ‘solutions’, the ‘explanations’ (with varying degrees of success). Generally, we’ll sit back and take it in;
  • We’ve then got somebody else to blame if it doesn’t work!

We need to listen to our own ideas sometimes and now more than ever.

Sure, some ideas work well for the vast majority of people, while some require a great deal of personalisation but do work eventually. However, it is for you – and you only – to decide what is truly right and what works better than anything else.

Ask yourself what you want to achieve. Ask what you feel passionate about. Consider what you see for the future. Ponder the questions you haven’t yet answered. Look to what you love in life, whether it’s a concept, a person, a place, a job, or a way of life. Ask yourself what you really want.

When you’re given anything from a snippet of advice to a detailed book of self-help, you need to understand that only you can work out if the techniques are right for you. Of course, some systems need a bit of patience and crafting before they work, so prepare to give a little time if it’s needed. But if it works for you, you will unlock another secret.

A recent post on Make College Better highlights the kind of independent thinking you need to get the most from any advice. To follow anything blindly is somewhat missing the point and cannot properly expand upon your learning and development.

“5 Tips for Becoming a Leader in your Student Organization” is full of good advice to take you that little bit further. Nevertheless, it doesn’t force you to take a particular path. Instead, it gives you ideas that should become choices after you’ve considered the matters carefully. Check the article and then I’ll explain what I mean:

1. Find your passion – The first tip tells you to to be committed, but it doesn’t give you the answer. You, the reader, hold those answers and can take it further once the tip has helped you retrieve the information from your head.
2. Invest yourself fully in one thing, and do it well – Following on from the first tip, this next one is telling you to be careful, be committed, and be passionate. Not exactly specific advice, but crucial in getting the very best.
3. Do it for the right reasons – When you take this to the level of Higher Education as a whole, it’s up to you to see where your passions truly lie:

  • Do you want great academic success?
  • Are you at university for the social life?
  • Do you feel pushed into this uni life and would rather not be here at all?
  • Are you here because it’s what everyone else around you happened to be doing?

Attitudes change regularly. If you’re reading this, it’s likely that you’ve got quite an interest in your future at uni, even if it’s only minor at the moment. However you feel, it’s best to do things at such an angle that it’s what you really want.
4. Take on additional responsibilities – The shocking change in working attitude between A-Levels and uni degrees is too much for some people. The way of Higher Education is one in which you do much of your work outside of lectures and seminars. The onus is on you to study a great deal in different ways. It’s up to you to develop by choosing new responsibilities that are important to you.
5. Make friends at the top – I’m going slightly off the point of the Make College Better article, but you’ll see why.

Now we’re pretty good at loving ourselves most of the time. Yet when we seek out advice and assistance on something, we regularly forget to give our own thoughts the time of day. If someone else says a particular technique is right, you’re likely to believe it to the point where you feel a failure when it doesn’t work for you. If it worked for the so-called expert, you clearly must be doing something wrong. Mustn’t you?

Rubbish. If you made friends at the top (i.e. with yourself), you’d quickly realise that some practices don’t gel with you. Time to move on and find a better set of tools for yourself.

As I’ve previously mentioned, Scott H Young has a great post on 50 tricks to study better, faster and with less stress. It’s a great place to start understanding what tools work for you. Get going with these and you’ll begin to hone your own personal life skills in no time.

Uni life is an important time to find your key qualities if you haven’t started on it already. I cannot stress enough just how much you can achieve if you put YOUR mind to it.

Love (photo by raichinger)