lifeskills

11 Ways to improve your communication skills

You speak with a wide range of people.  Even if you don’t alter your personality to cover this, I’m sure you change the way you speak.  It only takes a few subtle differences to make you sound like another person.  How you talk to a mate isn’t how you talk to your Mum.

However, the way you communicate should be similar, whoever you talk to.  Here are 11 ways to communicate with clarity:

photo by Torley

photo by Torley

  1. Pay attention – Don’t start thinking about what you’re going to say next when someone is talking to you.
  2. Watch the person – No need to stare, but always try to maintain a good amount of eye contact. If you’re looking around all over the place, you’ll look bored or distracted.
  3. Listen – Communication can break down more easily than you think.  You have more chance of finding common ground with someone if you truly listen to what they have to say.  Even if you don’t agree with the other person, give them a chance to explain their view before you crash in again.  Understanding someone else’s view isn’t a weakness, it should help strengthen (or alter) your position.
  4. Show interest – How much do you take your friends for granted? The more you get used to your mates, the more casually you will become in showing interest.  We tend, almost bizarrely, to hang on every word of someone we’ve just met.  But as a friendship develops, the effort fades even though you’re becoming closer.
  5. Ask questions – Ask when you don’t understand, ask when you need further information, ask when you’d like their opinion, ask when you’ve been doing all the talking, ask when you’re interested.  Enjoy asking questions as much as you enjoy answering them.
  6. Don’t waffle – Make your point, give an example if you need, and perhaps ask a question to finish.  Don’t ramble on for hours unless you’ve been asked to tell a story or you’re up on stage. Don’t give people the chance to switch off.  Do give people more chance to talk themselves.
  7. Respond to the wants of your audience, not yourself – It’s easy to go on a mission and forget that everyone else has moved on.  Don’t get carried away with your own importance.
  8. Respect others – Disagreements are common, no matter how close you are to a person. In fact, those we’re closest to can sometimes get the worst of you.  If you don’t see eye to eye, respect the other person’s opinion.  Unless the matter is purely objective and is problematic until you get an answer, you’re better off letting go.  And if the matter really is that important, actively seek out the information you need before carrying on.
  9. Take a break if the communication has broken down – You can’t always find resolution or compromise or even a natural cut-off point.  If the conversation gets too heated, suggest a rest so you can clear the air a bit.  Without a break, the chances are nobody is listening to others any more.
  10. Treat all communications like a presentation – When faced with a public talk or presentation, we want to make an impression.  Advice on delivering a speech is available all over the place.  Take advantage of these tips when putting your point across in less formal situations.  If you can learn to look good on the stage, why not learn to maintain a good impression at all times?
  11. Use the right platform – Face-to-face, over the phone, through a text, via a tweet…there are many ways of communicating.  Before you pick one at random and before you choose what’s easiest for you, consider how much better you could make the discussion using the right format for the recipient too.

Communication is not just about what you say.  Just as important is how you communicate that information.

10 Great Ways to Push Past Uncertainty

Each and every day, at some point, I ask myself this:

“Am I sure?”

Am I sure I want to do that?  Am I sure this is the right approach?  Am I sure there’s not a better way?

It’s sensible to question your behaviour. Questioning is healthy. Too much questioning, however, is not.

photo by helgasms!

photo by helgasms!

Many of your actions involve pushing past uncertainty.  Unless it’s a routine or something you’ve already overcome, you cannot be sure.  The push past uncertainty doesn’t bring you to certain, let’s be clear.  The push brings you to a place where you can make your choices without excess fear and a clouded mind.

Here are 10 methods of reaching a clear focus:

  1. Accept that uncertainty isn’t negative. Certainty isn’t always positive. I’m sure you wouldn’t relish an event involving certain death, for instance. Uncertainty is natural, not negative.  It’s better to be uncertain than overconfident because, unlike overconfidence, you can overcome uncertainty.
  2. Stop fearing the worst. By expecting nothing, you kid yourself that even a small gain will be a good result. But reality doesn’t work out this way. Automatic fear of the worst only sets you up toward failure and reduces enthusiasm. Be prepared for all eventualities, but don’t actively expect the worst outcome.
  3. The unexpected will open the mind. Not everything should be planned. So long as it’s not dangerous, it’s good to do something on a whim once in a while.
  4. Go one step further than you usually would. When you reach uncertain territory, a small step outside your comfort zone could be enough to change your attitude. You can step even further next time!
  5. Say yes to what you like the sound of. Sounds obvious, doesn’t it? But uncertainty can make you turn down stuff you actually want to do. When you’re scared of what might happen, you shield yourself from the fun stuff too. If you wish you had the courage to do something, allow yourself the courage to say yes and do it. Dare yourself to explore the things you want.
  6. Treat the opinions of others as exactly that. People don’t care as much about your actions as you’d think. But still you panic. You are your own worst enemy. It’s easy to obsess over the way a person views what you do and it stops you in your tracks. Truth is, people usually obsess over their own actions, just like you! Ditch the concern and do what feels right for you.
  7. Research more. Literature exists on almost every conceivable topic. When the risk feels too great, read a book on the topic or watch a video about it. Find out more until you have greater conviction and understanding.
  8. Treat your situation as a set of events, not a ‘success’ or a ‘fail’. You’re not in a movie. Fear of failure is enough to get you thinking like a film. The ending will either be happy or sad and you don’t want to risk the latter becoming a reality. Of course, we’re not treated to a beginning, a middle, and an end. If you keep thinking that, you’ll keep fearing failure. There are plenty events and no script. Enjoy improvising!
  9. Visualise yourself taking action. Relax a while and paint a mental picture of a scene in which you step into uncertainty and make your move. Imagine what you would do and how you might feel. Break down those barriers. Much concern may only be due to a block on seeing a future beyond the uncertainty. Your visual image of working beyond that won’t automatically turn into reality, but it will help you to think about the situation and overcome initial blocks.
  10. Keep the rest of your life in check. With too many issues already on your plate, you’re unlikely to see the point in chasing further unpredictable outcomes. The more organised and up to date you are with day-to-day life, the less burdened you will be when coming up against uncertain times.

What uncertainties have you managed to overcome in the past?  How did you make that breakthrough?

Simplicity

You have too much music available, too many books lying around, too many status updates to stay on top of, too many things vying for your attention.

photo by visualpanic

photo by visualpanic

Simplicity broadens the mind.  Minimalism is big.  Less is more.

See what I did there?

Really, it’s too easy to collect too much stuff and never make enough use of it all.  It’s hard to value belongings when there are so many vying for your attention.  Yet it’s hard, nearly impossible perhaps, to discard what *could* be useful later or what you have enjoyed in the past and *may* enjoy again.  Attach a tiny value to something and the value seems to grow tenfold as soon as you think about getting rid of it.

Do you need all the things you have?

What about your music collection?  Do you really need all those files on your computer, phone, player…?  Are you quick to click the next track on shuffle, or search a list of your favourite bands and still not know who to listen to?

Variation is great, but some restriction is also healthy.  Sticking with music, we all have different tastes and we’re happy to take recommendations from others.  You need never buy another song again with all the free stuff available legally.  You don’t even need to turn to piracy to hear the latest music in full and for free.  On a computer or a mobile, you have the ability to stream almost any song out there.  As for radio, there are so many stations that even picking one of those is a chore!

Choice doesn’t come cheap.  The more choice you have, the harder it is to choose.  So you don’t choose at all.  Annoying, huh?

There comes a point when you could get rid of everything you’ve got and start from scratch.  As a student, you may not have a vast library of books and may not own the biggest collection of (legal) music, but you may still have more than enough.

But it never *seems* enough.  A new product comes out and it’s just what you want.  So you get it.  The process happens again and again.  And again.  And again.  And it never ends.

Do you really need it?  The answer is almost always ‘no’.
Do you really want it?  That’s a different question.

The ease with which we can buy things in an instant adds to our impulse buying.  It’s there for the taking, it’s cheap, it’s instant satisfaction…you might as well.  But will it truly make a difference to you? There’s something to be said for patience.  We don’t see enough of it now.

I may sound contradictory here, but simplicity is difficult.  We naturally edge toward complexity at any given moment.

Shun complexity.  Move toward simplicity.  It seems so far away, but it’s closer than you think.

Look Back, Look Forward: Part 4 – Life after graduation

You’ve been held in a cocoon for several years and now you’re left in limbo.  Nice, huh?

After the final exams (and parties), we shed a tear at leaving behind the place of so many great memories.  Then it’s over as quickly as it began.  You’ve got your mates, your plans, your life outside the student experience…but naturally moving on from university can be jarring.  So how do you make the transition feel seamless?

photo by las

photo by las

  • Use uni services as much as you can, while you can – It’s great that you’ve got access to a huge range of services, but it comes to an end.  Some resources are accessible to graduates, but you need to live nearby and your access will still be reduced compared to that of a student.  As for online services, don’t forget to use them while you still can.  If you’re uncertain how long you get to log on to university intranet, email and gateways, ask!
  • Don’t wait for graduation – Some institutions wait months before officially handing out your degree.  Don’t treat those months as empty ones.  A degree ceremony is a formality.  You don’t even have to wait to get your final results.  You have the opportunity to crack on RIGHT NOW.
  • Look at your life as a continuing story – You may be at the end of an era, but there’s no point in dwelling on it.  Perhaps you’re relieved to be finished and want a break.  If you chill out now, you’ll lose focus and lose chances everyone else starts grabbing up.
  • Use your network straight away and cover all ground, including academics and tutors who inspired you – You can never be too good at networking.  And it’s not just for mates and for finding jobs.  The wider you stretch out and find people with similar passions, plans, careers, ideas, and so on, the better.  If you want to improve your own game, you can’t do that on your own.  And the great thing about networking is that you can help others while you’re at it.
  • Contact your careers service – With masses of information and advice, you’d be crazy not to make as much use from your careers services while you can.  Many graduates stay local to their place of study, so your job shop may be able to help out in that way too.  Ask what your careers people have to offer.  They can probably help after you graduate too, so find out what ways you can use them to your advantage.
  • Keep your affairs up to date and organised – Now more than ever, you need to have your wits about you in order to make your moves quickly.  Don’t ignore the administrative side of life because it needs doing.  If you leave it, the work won’t go away and it’ll become more urgent the longer you let it slip.  Getting everything together and looking presentable is more difficult if you leave things until the last minute too.  Remember how it was with essay deadlines…
  • Keep moving – We’ve seen in previous posts how the end of your student experience can be an anti-climax.  Rather than feel dispirited, use the opportunity to find new ways of using the time to suit you.  Life usually trips from one series of events to another.  University may be three or more years of your life, but it’s still just another series of events that comes to an end.  Live it, love it, remember it fondly, and dive straight in to the future.

These are just a few random thoughts.  There are about a squillion ways of moving on from university positively.  The main point is this: the desire to move on and to do so positively can only come from you.  Nobody else can tell you to make that transition from one thing to another, but it’s in your best interests to do so.

University gives you the key to an open mind.  There’s no need to lock up again when you leave.