Month: September 2009

What it means to “Just Be Yourself”

How many times do you hear the advice, “Just be yourself” uttered as if it’s a magical solution to all social woes?  If I could be given a pound every time I hear or see that advice doled out to a Fresher…

How can I succeed socially?  What do I need to do to fit in?  “Just be yourself” is the key, apparently.

In a way the advice is good, but it’s pretty meaningless in isolation.  People don’t act the same in front of everyone, so does that mean we don’t practice the advice?  Can you be anything but yourself?  Are you expected to become a two-dimensional character with only one persona?

photo by Denise Carbonell

photo by Denise Carbonell

A better way to think of the advice “Just be yourself” is this:

“Be Genuine”

To be genuine is to do the things you believe in and want to be accepted for.  There’s no need to pretend that you like something you don’t.  You don’t have to try and act tough, or loud, or quiet, if that isn’t how you want to act.  At university, anyone who won’t accept you as a person with a unique personality is someone not worth your time.

So it is wise to be yourself, but you have to understand what being yourself truly means.  You don’t act the same way in a study group as you would with a family member.  Likewise, you wouldn’t speak to most lecturers the same way you’d speak to your best mate.

And that’s how it should be.  Altering your actions between different people doesn’t mean you’re rude to one lot and not the other.  It doesn’t mean you tell one person what you believe in and then tell someone else that you believe the exact opposite.  It’s about relating to others with a genuine approach.

Firstly, how can you be genuine?

  • Don’t worry about what other people think – Respect the opinions of others, but don’t let them push you in a different direction if you don’t agree;
  • Don’t compare yourself to other people – It’s difficult enough understanding how you’ve reached your own position in life, so how could you work out anyone else’s? Someone else may look more successful than you, but they may have problems you can’t even imagine.  And there are probably people out there who think you’ve got it made, when they don’t know the half of it.  Comparisons are pointless, because you don’t have all the information;
  • Listen to yourself – Be positive about your likes and dislikes. Work out what interests you and what makes you happy to wake up every morning.  It all goes toward your individual personality.  You don’t have to be or do anything you don’t want to.  So listen to what you love and enjoy each day striving for more of those things;
  • Accept when you’re wrong – Nobody is perfect, so take the rough with the smooth;
  • Be open – You don’t have to tell everyone every last detail about your life.  There are people who, when I met them for the first time, decided to tell me all sorts of private (and sometimes, upsetting) detail of their life so far.  That’s not the point of being open.  An open attitude is when you don’t hide behind a façade, when you don’t hold back from what you enjoy.

A genuine personality takes the situation in front of them, stays constant in what they believe, states their true opinions, and gives the same respect to everyone, but does this in varying ways.  The trick is having the confidence to interact with many different people in ways that they can relate to, while you maintain your own personal views.

Which brings us to the second question.  How do you relate to others?

  • Listen – People like to talk about themselves and they like to answer questions.  So stop talking so much, start listening and ask a few questions.  This alone is a big deal.
  • Respect – Not everybody is like you.  It’s fine to respectfully disagree with another person’s views.  Respect helps relations.  You don’t need to dismiss someone because they don’t agree with you.  And vice versa!
  • Be humble – Modesty and courtesy can go a long way.  Whether you’re crazy and loud, or quiet and reserved, be who you want so long as you accept that others can be too.  There’s no need to compete or outshine others.  If others want to compete, let them do that while you go elsewhere to have some proper fun.

Don’t hold back.  Have the strength to be genuine and situations are easier to deal with, not more difficult.  Acceptance comes more freely when you’re happy to fight your corner.

photo by artschoolgirl27

photo by artschoolgirl27

Does ‘balance’ exist?

When it comes to a work/life balance, I see 2 groups of people:

  1. Those who say a balance is possible
  2. Those who say there is no such thing as balance

The first group of people may have found their balance or, if not, are looking for it.  The second group of people may feel generally happy with the mix of their workload, but don’t consider it as balanced.

This is confused.  The problem lies with defining what a work/life balance is.

photo by stuartpilbrow

photo by stuartpilbrow

The Oxford Dictionary of English defines ‘balance’ as:

  • noun: mental or emotional stability: the way to some kind of peace and personal balance.
  • verb: counteract or equal the effect or importance of – “he balanced his radical remarks with more familiar declarations.” – establish equal or appropriate proportions of elements in – “balancing work and family life.”

As a noun, stability is a major point in understanding balance.  Balance doesn’t necessitate two equal halves.  It can be found no matter how skewed the plan looks to an outsider.  Balance is personal stability.

As a verb, however, the tendency is to view things in equal measures.  And since we often refer to balance as a verb, such as “balancing coursework and social time”, we rely too much on the assumption that a mental balance requires the same proportion of everything.

Such a strict measure is unrealistic and not usually quantifiable anyway, which means many argue that ‘balance’ doesn’t exist.

The purpose of a work/life balance is to be aware of your lot and make sure you’re not missing out or working yourself too hard.  Balance certainly doesn’t mean you should be taking equal doses of work and fun.  Unless, of course, you want to!

Don’t assume hard work and social life are entirely separate forms.  We mix business and pleasure, networking can be fun even though we’re ‘on the job’, we keep study groups entertaining and relaxed.  See why balance can’t easily be quantified?

For those who argue dispute the existence of balance at all, how about looking at the concept as a definition of happiness?  Do you feel content or are you under pressure all the time?  Ask if you feel the need to change the mix in your life before you can find greater happiness.

A positive mix of events and a lack of stress may be all that is needed before a ‘balance’ can be achieved…whatever you call it.

At the beginning of this new academic year, be mindful of what you’re going through over the coming months and don’t be scared to drop some activities if it all gets too much.  Whether it’s your study, social life, part-time job, relationship, and any other regular activity that forms part of your life, be aware of how it’s going as you live through it.  How does it fit in with everything else you’re doing?  If you let life happen without thinking about it, you face the problem of having to recover at a more difficult point.

Okay, some events are impossible to predict.  From a perfectly organised perspective, your plans can be turned upside down.

Whether these events are welcome or not, right now is the time to consider how the events will impact upon everything else you’re doing.

I’m posting this today because I’ve had some of those ‘impossible to predict’ events happen recently and they altered my sense of balance.  It’s not an issue, because I’m aware of the situation and I strive to return to a suitable position of ‘balance’.

To do this, I will:

  • Analyse how much time these new events take up in the day;
  • Find ways to speed up regular processes;
  • Consider if I can/should stop doing certain tasks in the day;
  • Reduce the number of times I focus on the regular tasks that I still need to complete.

I’m not prepared to ignore what’s going on, living in hope that things will sort themselves out on their own.  They never do!

With a bit of planning (and acceptance that unexpected things happen), I believe that balance is possible and never too far away.  And perhaps you still don’t like the word ‘balance’. But when you find peace and a personal contentment, you’re pretty balanced, whatever you want to call it.  That’s the main thing.

photo by Alex Barth

photo by Alex Barth

Higher Education funding? Get the students to do it…

If you went anywhere near the news earlier this week, you’d have heard that a controversial report about business and universities in ‘Turbulent Times’ has been released.  The report from the Confederation of British Industry (CBI), recommends that the Government raise tuition fees and temporarily drop the often quoted 50% participation rate, as they find it unrealistic in the current economic climate. [Full Report – 1.5Mb PDF]

These suggestions have greatly angered the National Union of Students (NUS).  Much of the condemnation comes not from the majority of the 24 recommendations made by the Task Force, but by those relating to limiting student support.

photo by lusi

photo by lusi

The four top priorities of the Task Force are as follows:

  1. To help raise the numbers and quality of graduates in science, technology, engineering and maths;
  2. To ensure all graduates have employability skills;
  3. To provide the support required to maintain the quality of teaching and research in HE;
  4. Government should encourage greater diversity.

This sounds great, but the third priority rests greatly on increasing student contributions through higher fees, removing interest rate subsidy on loans, and so on.

The report suggests that “an increase in fees appears inevitable”.  This is based on the current system of HE funding, which the NUS is keen to see overhauled.  With the Task Force looking for change and making recommendations on how to move forward, it’s a shame that the subject of fees looks less to changing the situation and more to raising the bar.  They argue that higher fees have not impacted upon participation, but who’s to say that won’t change?  Anyway, greater debts (along with higher interest rates) may not be sustainable given the number of graduates now entering the workforce.

Robert Peston has written a thoughtful piece on his blog, asking whether students should pay the bills of the older generation who received a free university education.  He says:

“So some may well argue that as and when a new government decides to make cuts or increase taxes – to fill the hole in the public finances created by the current generation – its first instinct should probably not be to penalise students. Shouldn’t the older generation bequeath them something other than debt?”
Robert Peston – Should Students Pay Our Bills?

The report also calls on the Government to “postpone its 50 per cent participation target for HE”, but that target has already come into question.  To make a truly successful go of raising fees and introducing even greater debt to students, wouldn’t participation rates have to decrease quite considerably from even today’s numbers?  If so, how would that not create a problem for encouraging wider participation?  And if not, how could such a large number of graduates be expected to succeed in paying back such hefty amounts (that get heftier with real rates of interest…) based on today’s “Turbulent Times”?

We’re regularly told that graduates can expect to earn a lot more than non-graduates over their lifetime, but this general point is too basic and doesn’t properly cover the range of people graduating.  Many people now leave university to find that the monetary boost in salary may not be as impressive as they’d perhaps thought.  A degree alone isn’t a golden ticket to a dream life.

The Task Force recommend that businesses and universities should strive to work together more closely, while universities should also work to collaborate more effectively with each other.  The report also suggests that businesses should be more willing to fund students in relevant degrees and provide greater support to ensure students develop the right skills for the workplace.  There are also calls for more funding and support to go to students before university, especially in maths and sciences.

However, these aspects have understandably been overlooked.  The CBI Task Force report is likely to bring more concern to prospective uni students and their parents.  Sinead Brennan, President of Reading’s SU, was unhappy with the impact this report could have.  Speaking on the latest NUS Policy Podcast, Brennan said, “They’re going to see things like this or, more importantly, their parents are going to see things like this and say ‘no way are you going to university’.  Not just widening participation, but on an individual basis there are going to be people out there that will see these headlines and perhaps might not go to university now because of it, which I think is such a shame.”

All this comes at a time when the Times Higher Education suggests that more public investment should be made, not less.

It’s not surprising that most students would rather be granted a free (or very, very cheap) uni education.  That’s what happened in past years.  So while those who benefited from a free education suggest new students pay more than they are already paying, what will those graduates be suggesting in decades to come?  Charge even more?  Return to free education?  Or will the look of UK Higher Education be so different that (if it still exists as the world-class institution it currently is) these questions may not even be relevant?

Whatever the case, let’s hope the future is a bright one…for the sake of everyone!

You want some further bedtime reading?  You got it!

BBC – Charge students more, say bosses
London Student – How Should Higher Education Be Funded?
Telegraph – Comment
Guardian – Wes Streeting comments
Guardian – University finance: The debate that isn’t

Review: A Guide To Uni Life

There are loads of books about essay writing and studying effectively.  However, there’s not much around to help with the general, everyday, student experience.

Lucy Tobin’s book, “A Guide To Uni Life”, looks to set things straight with a book that’s easy to read and digest.

Lucy Tobin - A Guide To Uni Life

Tobin, who graduated in 2008, has written a guide that covers the following eight subjects:

  1. Freshers’ Week
  2. Money
  3. Halls and housing
  4. Health
  5. Food
  6. Work
  7. Exams
  8. Righting wrongs

The uni guide has only just been published (August 2009), so information is up to date and relevant to students now.

I’ll review it, chapter by chapter:

(more…)